Building a Barn

The last months of Ernest Hemingway's life were not fun. This iconic writer was suffering from unrelenting physical and mental deterioration that contributed to equally damaging bouts of paranoia. He became suicidal. After several unsuccessful attempts, Hemingway finally succeeded in killing himself in June, 1961. Hemingway's death happened despite efforts by those closest to him at the time to prevent him from doing harm to himself. I mention the demise of this literary giant because it parallels much of the stagnation that has befallen the U.S. Congress. Let me explain.

Hemingway had made up his mind that he was going to end his life. Those around him were aware of his state of mind and sought to prevent this from happening. Despite their best intentions, Hemingway did himself the ultimate harm. One lesson I draw from this is if a person is determined to do damage, then they will succeed. Former President Lyndon Johnson put it more succinctly: "Any jackass can kick over a barn........." The problem with Congress that we as citizens are witnessing these days is that there are too many jackasses intent on doing harm than ones dedicated to being constructive. As it was with Hemingway, they are determined to stop meaningful work from moving forward on a range of issues that are vital to the strength of our country and our world.

Their determination is nullifying any efforts from builders to communicate with them. The result is little if anything of substance is getting done and, in the end, we are all losing. Communication, no matter how well intentioned, thought-out or executed, is not always successful, particularly if those on the receiving end do not wish to hear. Communication is a two-way endeavor. The state of affairs with our US Congress these days is that only one-way communication is being conducted. By definition, that means there is only talking-at going on but not any talking-with. So, the logical question becomes: what can be done about? A new strategy that has not yet been tried - though it has been talked about - is for those in the majority to begin doing what they feel is necessary to address the issues of our day. My sense is those not wishing to listen will change their own non-communication strategy and begin wanting to be part of the barn building.

"Have a good one."

I have a pet peeve. Actually I have several. But at the moment there is one that currently rests at the top of my list: "Have a good one." More often than not, this annoying phrase is said to me by a cashier at a check-out counter such as at a grocery or department store. Always, I want to stop, turn around and say, "Have a good what?" I want the person to be specific. Do you want me to have a good walk to my car? A good life? A good rest of the day? A good time flossing the next time I brush my teeth? Be specific. Of course, what I want to do and what I actually do are two different things. Usually, I nod and move on. But in those particular times of weakness, I might even respond by saying, "You, too." At that point, I become annoyed at myself for aiding and abetting the perpetuation of this empty phrase that is so vague as to be totally meaningless. At least that's how I see it.

I do not see myself as being a particular anal person, though I acknowledge that admitting my annoyance at "Have a good one" might make me sound like one. But I promise I am not. At least I do not think so. Nevertheless, where did "Have a good one" come from? How did "Have a good day," for example, ultimately turn into "Have a good one"? Who can I blame for that? Who can I hold accountable? My fear is the answer to that is everyone but no one. It may be just one more example of how our language has evolved. In this case, it has gone from precision to vagueness. Maybe most people are ok with that, but not me. I understand we can not all be definitive all the time. Sometimes situations call for foggy-type responses or statements. But why add to that when it is not necessary? I want to see people be more specific in their communiques; say what they mean. Don't be so non-committal. "Have a good day, damnit!" Now that is what I call a definitive statement.

Communication is all about connecting with others. How we make use of our language and the words that comprise defines not only us but the ties we seek to bind. For a linkage to be solid and lasting, it must be built with nails in solid wood, not spit and chewing gum. The former has a much better chance at enduring separation or hardship than the other. Think of it this way: if a person told us to "have a bad one," then wouldn't we immediately want to know "bad what?" My guess is most of us would want to know what that other person was talking about. I do not see why it should be any different with being told to "have a good one." When it comes to defending effective communication, that is as good a place in which to draw a line in the sand as any.

Snow Days

Growing up, there seemed to be few things that were more exciting for my friends and I than having a snow day. Snow would fall, school would be closed, and a day of building snow forts, making snow angels, throwing snow balls and drinking tons of hot chocolate would be before us. Was there anything better than that? I think not. Now I am much older and other than enjoying a good cup of hot chocolate, I do not find myself engaging in those other carefree activities any more. Instead, snow falls, school is closed, and I have the challenge of doing tons of shoveling, scraping off windows, clearing drive ways and sidewalks, warming up cars, and driving over ice patches.

As I write this our area here in Virginia has been hit with two major snow storms in the past week. My university has been closed and my only two significant ventures outdoors have been runs to local grocery stores. And not once have I noticed any kids outdoors playing in the snow and being silly. Not one snow man. Not one snow fort. No sledding down any hills, big or small. Maybe playing in the snow is like communication in that is has evolved though not necessarily in a positive way. If that's true, then it's too bad. Having fun on snow days is different than it used to be. The same goes for communicating with others. People do not seem to be talking over fences to neighbors nearly as much as they used. Instead, they text and email and twitter each other.

I confess my attitude toward snow days is not what it used to be. It used to be the mere thought of it made me very happy. Nowadays, I find myself hoping it does not happen. At one time they used to be fun. Now, they means work. Does this run parallel with communication? I'm not so sure but I do not think so. Hopefully it won't ever be the case. After all, I can live without snow days but can not live without communicating with others, nor would I want to. Still, my attitude toward both has and is changing. I, for one, need to keep doing what I can to keep my attitude on the positive side of the tracks. After all, emaile and other forms of social communication can be fun.

Communication Bullies

I used to think one of the benefits of becoming a grown-up is that it meant never having to deal with a bully again. Perhaps it was in elementary or middle school when one or some of the bigger kids in class used their size to intimidate the smaller ones. Or maybe we were older when the tough guys in the neighborhood used their own special powers of persuasion to make us nervous and do what we had to do to avoid them. Either way, becoming a so-called adult meant putting those days behind us and moving into an environment where everyone treated everyone else with respect. Right? Wrong. Sadly, even in the world of grown-ups tactics of intimidation and people with power throwing their organizational weight around at the expense of those in weaker positions goes on.

Bullying is wrong in any environment and at any age. Granted, in the business world you may not see workers having their lunch money snatched away or actually being beaten up, but what does occur from time to time is just as ugly and hurtful: organizational superiors treating workers with disrespect, talking over them, belittling them and making them feel of no importance or no consequence. These so-called superiors do not use their fists. Instead, they use words, body language, and insensitive and even dishonest behavior. Even conjuring up these images is maddening. Watching it even more so.

Lincoln's observation about the best way to get a real sense of someone is by giving them power and seeing what they do with it holds as true today as it did over 150 years ago when he first made it. Whenever we communicate we project power. We speak and people listen. We act and people observe. For those few moments we are the focus of attention and, thus, have power. Bullies use their power unwisely and with disrespect. As it pertains to communication, for all who claim to dislike that kind of person, there remains only one course of action: honoring the attention upon you and respecting those who are giving it to you.

Evolving Scholarship

Over three months ago I wrote of my current academic pursuit toward a doctorate. In addition to the usual challenges of the classes I was taking at the time, I was beginning to prepare for the comprehensive exams that represent the final hurdle before one is formally allowed to begin working on their dissertation. In the communication program in which I am currently enrolled, the comps are divided into two parts: written and oral. I took the written part just prior to Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, my answers to some of the questions were not deemed to be strong enough, so before moving onto the oral part, I was instructed to redo some of my answers.

I completed those re-dos in mid-January. The committee of scholars who were assessing me gave my responses a passing mark though even here they considered what I had given them to be a bit unclear and weak. Still, I was finally able to move onto the orals which I took just a few days ago. I am glad to report that I passed them and am now finally able to tackle the final hurdle toward earning a PhD: the dissertation. I will talk more about this in future entries but at the moment I want to make a few comments about these comps. For me, they were a major challenge. At times it was very discouraging and even disheartening. There were even one or two moments when I was close to throwing in the towel. One reason I didn't was because of my comps committee. Yes, they were tough and, yes, at times they seemed very demanding. But, in retrospect, these characteristics turned out to be good things. Plus, the committee members were also incredibly supportive, encouraging, fair and patient. As I begin the dissertation phase of this effort, I walk away from this experience thinking how lucky I was to have them as a committee.

As we move forward in life and, hopefully, do what we can to keep improving, there remains plenty of times when it feels like we take one step forward and two steps back. At least, that is the case with me on so many levels and has been for as long as I can remember. Even though it is a cliche, so much of life for all of us - I believe - is to keep plugging away and not give the disappointments and setbacks we experience so much power that they prevent us from pursuing our dreams and seeking to fulfill our ambitions. I have come to learn that self-improvement, whether it is in communication, parenting, marriage, education or any other area, is not easy. But, boy, the feelings that come with even minor successes are wonderful and so worth the effort.

Classics

A number of months ago I launched my own little project of reading ten literary classics that I have always wanted to tackle but had never gotten around to. I am happy to announce that a few days ago I finished the tenth novel. Ironically, the final one n this arbitrary series was J.S. Salinger's "Franny and Zooey." I completed it the night before this iconic figure passed away at the age of 91. His work and others I tackled, including "Brave New World," "The Great Gatsby," "Crime and Punishment," "The Confessions of Nat Turner," "To Kill a Mockingbird," "The City and the Pillar," "The Sound and the Fury," "Hard Times" and "East of Eden," were all genuine treasures to navigate. I have not had as much fun on a self-imposed project in years.

What did I learn? One thing is I gained a tremendous appreciation of the talents of the men and women responsible for them. In some cases, I had read other books by some of these people, such as Steinbeck, Vidal, Dickens and Styron, but nevertheless it was a wonderful journey. Good writing is not easy. I enjoy writing, but am the first to admit that when it comes to putting paper to pen, I remain very much a work in progress. Given my limited skills, I know I struggle more often than I care to admit. I can imagine that the authors whose work I enjoyed and their brothers and sisters must struggle even harder because their finished product remains timeless.

According to various reports and studies, fewer people these days read. Book sales, generally, remain on the down swing. Perhaps its due to our fast-paced society, our exploding technology that entices us with the Internet, video games and social media, but more and more books seem to be taking a backseat to ways to get through the day, expand our minds, and entertain ourselves. I feel bad about that because I love books and reading and wish everyone else did, too. Also, I believe the act of sitting down and wading through one page after another of an author's imagination is not only good discipline but a solid investment in our own intellectual capacity. We read. We learn. We grow. What better way to make us better equipped to face the challenges of life?

More Blogs

More and more newspapers seem to be getting into the blog business. Journalists whose names only appeared as bylines are now generating their own blogs on the topics or beats they cover. I see this as a very healthy step for all of us who follow the news and seek to gain a better understanding of what it means. In addition - and probably the thing I like best about this new development - is this provides readers with an opportunity to become more actively engaged in what is going in the world by interacting with those who seek to report it. By being able to exchange observations, raise questions and share experiences, readers are able to develop a better understanding of and more vested interest in their communities, country and world. Even if it is in small steps, it seems inevitable that one result will be a more active electorate at election time.

Another potentially positive result is that through this one form of social media members of the public will begin recognizing challenges and issues they have in common. Out of this may possibly come new publics to begin collaborating on ways to contend with these various matters. The bottom line, overall, is an enhanced sense of community within members of our public and more ongoing communication between men and women who others may not have ever felt a sense of connection with each other.

Granted, active engagement is now always pretty. And sometimes it can even seem to represent a step backward when it comes to communication and developing a greater community spirit. Take the so-called tea party members as an example. To say the least, their members can be very off-putting at times as much of what many of the members say, as presented in the media, seems to be based on ungrounded fear, ignorance and needless hysteria. Yet, despite this, coherence is slowly beginning to emerge in a way that will, I believe, benefit our nation. Cultural revolutions are never smooth, but they can be quite profound in a very positive way. It is the increased blogs and growing popularity of other forms of social media that are making this happen. My sense is that at some point down the road, all of us will be the better for it.