Crossing Guards

I tip my hat to crossing guards. Recently, I had occasion to be stopped at an intersection. Kids on their way to school were walking from one corner to the next. Lined up at each intersection were a string of cars driven by drivers who were probably on their way to work. A not untypical weekday morning in America. And literally in the center of it was a crossing guard; a tall woman in her crossing guard uniform. Her tools consisted of a whistle, which she wore round her neck, and a trusty baton that she used as a pointer to let which car or group of school children know who could go next and, perhaps most importantly, in which direction. Also, she wore a broad smile that certainly reassured me and perhaps others that all was under control and all of us were going to get where we were going safely and on-time.

One thing I admired about this particular crossing guard - and I am sure this holds true for many others - was her communication skills. I marveled at how well she seemed to juggle her many clients at the same time in a friendly, yet purposeful manner. Drivers waved at her while passing through and a few children even stopped on their way from one corner to the next to whisper something to her or, in one case, give her a hug. Even though I have been in the communication business for nearly 40 years and have had more ups and downs than I care to remember, watching that crossing guard in action, I could not help but think that after all this time, I want to be as good of a communicator as that person.

Granted, my time at this intersection in the presence of this crossing guard lasted only a few minutes. I have to assume there are days when things do not always go so smoothly or that her clients - children and drivers - are not always as cooperative and easy going as they were at that time. But I also assume that when those moments or days do occur, she is able to handle them just as well simply because of the credibility she has achieved with her public. Communication is about long-term competence and consistency rather than a one-time shining or flashy moment. Any one can toss a dart and hit the center of the target. But to do that consistently or even come close with high regularity is the mark of a solid professional and effective communicator. That crossing guard was a reminder to me of how beneficial good communication is to any situation and what a pleasure it is to see someone who does it well in-action.

Self Expression

Not too long ago I heard one of the talking heads on television refer to the current generation as one of self expression. These men and women want to be heard; want to be able to articulate their views, feelings and attitudes about anything ranging from politics and entertainment to the latest in fashion and social issues. This is not a bad thing. It is important to speak out, especially in a government such as ours that ultimately draws its strength and viability from the ability and willingness of its citizens to speak out. This is why I applaud any one, including members of the so-called tea party or occupy movement, who are energized enough to go to rallies and town hall meetings to raise questions, challenge authority, and let it be known their concerns and hopes.

Self expression, however, is not always pretty, polite or even civil. Sometimes people are so hell-bent on expressing themselves that they come across as little more than single-minded bullies driven by anger and contempt for those with other perspectives. It is here where real problems occur. Passion fueled by little more than anger rarely begets positive results. Sadly, angry passion often feeds on itself and only seems to fuel more anger, feelings of self-righteousness, and disregard for the opinions of others. This kind of self expression runs counter to the principles of effective communication and, more importantly, to the core of democratic values. Further, this is why is it so important that it be tempered with a respect for others.

My sense is that one big reason a notable segment of our population seems so worked-up these days is because they do not feel they are being heard or listened to. Point taken. But to the many highly-charged passionate men and women that seem so visible these days, I urge you to keep your passion and ideals but not lose sight of the fact that the best movements are ones built on inclusion, the input of many, collaboration and consensus building, and partnerships. "My way or the highway" may sound good and strong, but in the long run it is no way to run a country or, on a smaller scale, live one's life. Speak out. Be heard. But don't forget to listen. It makes for better self expression.

Seeking Resolution

None of us need to be reminder that these are tough times in which we live. Far too many people are out of work. Jobs are hard to come by. Money is tight. To add to that, there seems to be far too much fear-mongering, misinformation and name calling that is filling the public air waves. People are understandably angry and without direction and many of those to whom they look for guidance, hope and solutions seem more interested in saving or bettering their own hides than the hides of the people who they were elected, appointed or hired to serve. No wonder so many citizens are nervous, frustrated and disillusioned. No wonder many people feel cynical, isolated and pessimistic. What's a communicator to do?

The overriding answer is for communicators to devote their energies and skills toward identifying common denominators that link the various points of view currently being expressed. Putting aside all the emotion, yelling and knee-jerk reactionary commentary, there are several powerful issues on which conservatives and liberals seek the same bottom-line goal. These include limited government, low unemployment, low national debt, and a strong national infrastructure. (No, I'm not kidding about any of these.) But the problem is our leaders seem to be putting their own agendas ahead of the nation's. People with good communication skills, such as conflict resolution experts, can help turn that around. Unfortunately, elections - at least lately - seem to bring out the worst in people - leaders and their supporters - rather than the best. By addressing these and other issues from a prospective of working toward the greater good, proponents of the right and the left really can work together. One model of public relations that was introduced over 25 years is relevant here. It is called "two-way symmetrical." It focuses on the establishment of partnership and identifying strategies by which to address common shared or problems.

The challenges our nation faces are not going to go away by themselves. The reality is it is going to take a coming together of many people with different perspectives and priorities, yet who share the common overriding goal of wanting to turn our dark days of the present into bright days of tomorrow. Reality dictates that if our nation's current set of challenges are to be properly addressed, then people are going to have to sit down at the same table and begin honest and respectful collaboration. If not, then the tough times facing us are going to have an awfully long shelf life.

When Communication is Needed Most

As is always the case on a Sunday in October, football was very much in the air and on the air waves. One particular game went into overtime as the two teams - Washington Redskins and Green By Packers - were tied at the end of regulation play. Much to the delight of the home crowd, the Redskins ended up winning in overtime. It was a real nail biter. Across town, a nail biter of another kind occurred. A young woman in her early 30s was being treated in a local hospital after suffering a mild stroke. Doctors diagnosed a blood clot over one part of her brain that probably triggered the stroke. She is also experiencing some bleeding over another part of her brain.

These kind of unexpected twists and turns happen all the time in life. Some bring cheer and some do not. Some are changes we hope for and some are ones we dread. But all create communication challenges that cry for timely and accurate information, effective ways to share that information, and sensitivity in how that information is shared. In many ways, unexpected occurrences - good and bad - best illustrate why communication is so vital to all of us. Similarly, they also present communicators with their most important challenge. When the unexpected happens, the one thing people seek and want the most is information. And they want it immediately, not later in the day or the day after. This is when the communicator must take charge.

Information is the primary lifeline that enables people to maintain their equilibrium. It helps them cope, establish perspective and provides them with guidance on how best to proceed following an unexpected turn of events. Without it people are without a compass. It is as if they are in a dark room with no help as to where a light switch might be or how to find their way out. The communicator, in essence, is that light switch. This person is able to provide publics with invaluable assistance in helping them turn the unexpected into a tangible road map. Take that Redskin-Packer football game. I never thought it would end in a tie. But communication helped me remain optimistic when it did. And the same holds true for my friend still in the hospital. Not only do I feel upbeat about her chances for a full recovery - as a result of the information provided me - but I also have a much better sense of what I can do to help her get better.

More Pet Peeves

The public dialog that all of us are being subjected to these days is really becoming a big pet peeve of mine. Specifically, I am referring to what I view as extreme language. Take entertainment reporting, for example. Have you noticed how many "icons" or "superstars" or "legends"there now are? (I like Betty White as much as any one, but she is not an entertainment icon any more I am.) But if you listen to the so-called entertainment talking heads these days, any more it is hard not to find a celebrity who does not fall under one of those three headings. As a result, those descriptive terms have been rendered meaningless. The same holds true for to the commentators who comment on the hard news and issues of the world. Can we all raise our hands and pledge to stop comparing things we do not like or approve of to Hitler's Nazi Germany? Is the health care plan the Obama administration successfully pushed through really as bad as that? Are the efforts by Michelle Obama to try and get kids in school to eat healthier food really akin to what life was like for those who lived under Stalin's Russia? Really? I think not.

When it comes to driving, one of the few things worse than people who do not signal they are about to turn are those who signal either while they are actually making that turn or are just a few seconds away from it. How about giving the drivers behind you an adequate heads-up? Besides being dangerous and even against the law, this is poor communication that could end up having terrible consequences. Unless you are involved in a high-speed chase where the last thing you want to do is give the people chasing you a clue as to where are you going, then there is no excuse for not being considerate of the publics with whom you are sharing the road.

Finally, I do not like it when politicians are asked a question to which they do not know the answer, yet they pretend to by spouting off irrelevant babel in an effort to disguise their ignorance. Not everyone knows something about everything. It is ok - at least to me - to say, "I don't know." This holds true even if it pertains to a question to which you should know the answer. Pretending to know something you don't is dishonest and misleading and, in the world of public relations, unethical. Sadly, examples of this kind of offense are endless. Suffice to say, if a person finds it difficult being honest about what they don't know, then can they really be trusted with being honest about they do know?.

Dealing With Disconnects

There's an old joke involving a foot soldier who is marching with his troop. He keeps tripping and is out of sync with the rest of the soldiers who are marching in proper unison. Finally, the drill instructor asks him what is going on. He answers, "Everyone here is out of step." Obviously, this points to the distinct possibility that it is actually this particular solider who is out of step and that everyone else is just fine. This leads me to a provocative quote from the late Russian dissident Alexander Solzhenitsyn that I came across recently: "If you desired to change the world, where would you start? With yourself or others?" I find this comment to be so intriguing because it strikes at the heart of how we as individuals view ourselves and those around us. When a disconnection occurs, do we assume it is the other person's fault or do we begin with ourselves, if not as the possible culprit, then as part of the reason for the breakdown?

In communication there are tons of reasons why mixed signals occur. Poor timing. Poorly worded messages. Apathy on the part of the public. Erroneous information. Whatever the problem or problems might be, a big step toward step toward addressing lies in one's willingness to take responsibility and ability to look at themselves with a critical and dispassionate eye. It is important for communicators to have the skills to do this. When miscommunication happens, it is
not uncommon for those involved to look to the communicator for an explanation and, ultimately, a solution. After all, when our car breaks down we naturally turn to the nearest auto mechanic for help as opposed to the local barber.

Granted, being able to properly assess any given situation is not always easy, particularly when there are multiple participants, an array of strategies under way, big budgets and various publics involved. But if one is going to make a living trying to help others communicate, trying to create public relations campaigns , trying to craft messages that resonate, and trying to build bridges between various groups of people, then a major part of the responsibility that comes with those challenges is embracing your role as the "go-to" person when something goes wrong or not as well as was expected. In terms of the best way to meet this responsibility, my advice is to begin by remembering Solzhenitsyn's comment. Much rides on your answer to his question.

Double-Edged Sword

Despite the relative newness of social media, it has become a cliche or, at the very least, a statement of the obvious to call social media a powerful communication tool. This vehicle enables any one savvy enough and with access to a computer to communicate with hundreds of thousand and even millions of other people with amazing speed and ease. For individuals, this new reality represents an exciting opportunity for any singular man or woman to make greater connections with others who may share similar interests and aspirations though they may not have ever met in-person. For news organizations, social media, including the Internet itself, is a perfect way to bring light into dark countries that censor or limit information that runs counter to what governments want their people to know.

However, most sadly, a tragedy of just a few days ago involving the suicide of an 18-year-old male student at Rutgers University is a reminder that the advanced communication technology now dominating the world's information flow is a double-edged sword. As was once again demonstrated, social media can also be used to do great and serious harm. This young man was outed as being gay by a fellow student who secretly videotaped him being intimate with another young man. Without the student's knowledge or permission, the person who did the taping blasted the video out over the Internet. Upon learning what had been done to him, the Rutgers student committed suicide. It is difficult to find anything in recent days more gut-wrenching than this tragedy. It is the most recent example in a number of incidents in which young people have killed themselves as a result of being humiliated, bullied and/or harassed via social media.

At this point, I remain uncertain as to what can or should be done by our government to prevent this type of tragedy and abuse. Free speech is essential to our free society. But with that comes the reality that there are those who will be abuse it due to their own irresponsibility, stupidity or meanness. My sense is we should not try to legislate that kind of bad behavior even though that is tempting. My concern is such legislation might compromise the kind of legitimate use of the Internet by news organizations, for example, or even responsible or well-meaning individuals. But at least for starters, it might not be a bad idea for parents, educators, civic groups and, yes, even the government band together to begin educating young and old people alike about the double-edge sword that is social media. From what we learned at Rutgers, it is apparently a matter of life and death.