The Voice

Even now, countless articles continue to be written about him. Critiques. Commentaries. Biographies. Remembrances. He remains an active part of our national and even international landscape despite having died over 17 years ago. I speak of Francis Albert Sinatra, singer and entertainer extraordinaire; the performer against so many others continue to be measured. It was May, 1998, when Sinatra died. But the more significant milestone is when he was born: December, 12, 1915. His unmistakable and singular voice was first heard on a cold day in New Jersey. This entry is in recognition of the Sinatra centennial.


I will concede that other singers, before, during and after Sinatra's time, have possessed solid and even wonderful voices. But none - not one - is or has been the communicator that Sinatra was in the context of words set to music. It was this skill that represented the core of the awe and respect for Sinatra that defined his standing inside and beyond the world of music and entertainment. No one could match Sinatra's ability to communicate lyrics of sorrow, regret and loss. Nor could any come close to conveying words of joy and exhilaration as well as this unique individual. His mastery of communicating such a wide range of moods helped make him such a forceful communicator. It still does.


As a singer, he was the ultimate communicator. He helped articulate feelings that so many felt, yet could not quite explain or process.. But via an array of vehicles ranging from "Here's That Rainy Day" to "I've Got the World on a String" and literally thousands in-between, Sinatra provided this great gift to the world for the more than 60 years he worked as an active performer. We were and continue to be the better for it. Singing is an art form as well as one way man communicates. In that realm, there was no better communicator than Sinatra.   

Growing Old Together

After watching a movie on television the other night, my wife and I lifted ourselves off the couch together. We both did so slowly as we had to work our way through the aches and pains that come with age and with sitting in one spot for an extended period of time. As we finally made it to our feet, I laughed and said, "This is what it must mean to get old together." It also got me to thinking about whether there has ever been a young couple that at some point in their budding relationship has not expressed the sentiment about wanting to grow old together? I think not. My wife and I certainly did and here we are decades later.


Of course, for two people to, in fact, grow old together means they must do all they can to take at least reasonably good care of themselves and stay alive. This is one responsibility each as individuals has in order to fulfill their commitment to the other. Another responsibility each carries with them pertains to communication. Some what I will call veteran couples continue to do it very well and even develop their own special short-hand way of interacting. Others, however, do not. Much like their physical health, they tend to not try as hard a they once did to remain as fully engaged with their partner as they once did. This can and does lesson or weaken the relationship.


One big way older folks remain physically healthy is through exercise. Maintaining open lines of communication is another form of exercise that contributes to one's well being, both as an individual and as part of a couple. Life being what it is has a way of slowing us down. Being an active communicator with one's partner is an important way to slow down our inevitable slowing-down process. Taking an active interest in ones's partner's moods, perspectives, interests and activities helps make growing old together a great deal more pleasant and fun. Besides, who wants to grow old feeling isolated or grumpy much of the time?

All of Us Are PR Workers

When one thinks of a public relations practitioner, they usually associate a communicator who strives to provide their client or organization with creative and strategic guidance in the areas of putting forth a positive image, generating am ongoing stream of visibility and establishing ties with others. These goals are largely the results of professional communicators whose work it is to provide those they represent with guidance and leadership in those areas. This work, however, is not just unique to those in public relations. It is a challenge that all of us strive to meet every day even if our only client is ourselves.


We are our own public relations practitioner. An easy example of this are actors. Yes, in order to establish and maintain a steady career they must have talent and do good work when they are hired to do so. But in addition to that, their success is heavily contingent on how well they are accepted by the paying public. This means they must be vigilant when it comes to presenting themselves in an appealing light. They are always "on" even when not standing in front of a camera or before an audience. This ongoing challenge is not unique to those choosing to be in the public eye. It very much applies to us "regular folk," too.


If we are married, for example, we want our spouse to remain in our corner. On the job, we wish to keep a paycheck. With neighbors, we strive to get along. The best way to achieve these every day, yet oh so important goals is to keep doing all we can to promote a positive image of ourselves. This reality very much places us in the realm of promotion; only instead of promoting a thing, we are promoting the vision of being valued, liked and admired. It is as much of a constant in our lives as anything else we may undertake. This means all of us are public relations practitioners whether we like it or not.

Ongoing Issue

One of the issues being debated these days revolves around free speech. There are a number of folks who are vigilant about publically criticizing speakers who appear to be insensitive in their remarks and characterizations of minorities, for example. "Politically correct" is the top buzz word when it comes to this debate. They cry out for all of us to be careful in what we say for fear of offending someone. I, for one, agree that we should not try to be offensive if at all possible. Everyone has feelings, of course. Being sensitive is a positive quality to possess, particularly if we are to enjoy lasting ties with others.


Still, the whole argument regarding "politically correct" speech seems to be taken too far. I do not like it when someone is offensive, purposefully or not. I like it even less, however, when that person's right to speak is violated simply because what they say hurts the feelings of some. Just as beauty is ultimately "in the eyes of the beholder," so, too, is what is offensive. Let people make their own determination as to what is offensive. Once that judgment is made, then they can set their own course of action as to what to do about it. Not listen? Leave the room? Switch channels? Enter into a dialog with that speaker to explain why what they are saying is offensive?


In one of her recent columns in the Washington Post, Alexandra Petri spoke out on behalf of letting social standards ultimately determine what is offensive. I agree. People can decide what is acceptable just as they can determine what to do about it when offense words are spoken. Do some go too far? Yes. Are some, in my view, overly sensitive at times? Without question. It is important for us to remember that this struggle between free speech purists and advocates of political correctness is going to be with us for a long time to come. Its existence is a result of having free speech as a key element of our nation's fabric.

Stumbling in the Dark

The older I get the more convinced I am that all of us, on some level, are stumbling in the dark. I  know. Youngsters will observe from time to time that us older folks really seem to have our act together. We seem to be assured, confident in our actions, and certain of our perspectives. To that I laugh and say "if only that were true." As a card carrying oldster I can readily attest to the fact that a good deal of the time none of that is true. If it seems that way, then it is only as a result of our years of experience that we have become proficient at faking it or at improvising. The hard truth is we find life just as daunting as when we were young.


All of this is certainly true of our efforts to communicate well with others. We share an opinion or toss out an idea and only hope at least some of what we just said comes close to resonating with another. The fact is much of what say ends up as noise or is treated that way. We engage with others, either casually or in a professional setting, and struggle to make some sort of positive difference with our input. It is a struggle with no guarantee of success or effectiveness. The reason, in large measure, revolves around those on the receiving end of our output. Are they listening? Are they interested in our opinions? Perhaps they already have their minds made up.


Sometimes I find myself chuckling when I hear someone described themselves as a "communication expert." I am not sure there is any such thing. Just because we all communicate - or try to - does not mean we are any good at it. People may have an expertise in communication because they are familiar with the logistics of the act and the numerous variables that contribute to success or failure. But in no way does that mean they communicate effectively each time they put pen-to-paper or speak. They still fall short on a regular basis. As is the case with other aspects of life, they and all of us continue stumbling in the dark when it comes to communication.

Let's Raise the Communication Bar

There is always something very special about political campaigns and elections in our country. Free elections reinforce what was and is most unique about the United States: at designated intervals citizens gather to caste ballots without fear of retribution or harmful acts being taken against them. Voters determine who will represent the general population in matters ranging from national security and economics to international relations and creating opportunity for people to improve their station in life. More than any other in the world, our nation comes the closest to representing the best of pure democracy. This reality remains a constant source of pride. 


This, however, is not to suggest that our elections and how they are conducted can not and, yes, should not be improved. This begins with the candidates themselves. On the one hand, these men and women are well-intentioned and genuine in their desire to improve life in America. At the same time, they are also flawed, ambitious, and prone to narrow-minded thinking, pettiness, and levels of dishonesty. Their inconsistencies and desire to separate themselves from their competitors, though understandable, can take them and their followers down paths that do harm to the overall landscape of our country and the very process that is part of our greatness. 


Our current presidential election season, still at the beginning phase, is the latest example of this. Name calling, purposeful ignorance, false claims, misleading characterizations and mean-spirited assessments of others have been dominating far too much of many of the candidates communication efforts. Generally, voters seem to shrug-off this reality with the off-handed comment, "That's politics." That may be true but it does not have to be. Not only should we demand more from our candidates, we should also demand more from ourselves in terms of what we accept from them and ourselves. Being a great nation demands the best of its citizens and those wishing to represent them. The communication bar must be raised.

Talking

All things being equal, it remains our best way of communicating. It is direct. It combines tone, nuance, emotion, expression, and sound. It, of course, is talking. Two people talk and walk away from that encounter with a good idea and understanding of what was said. While this may not always be the case, the fact is the odds are much greater than when talking occurs, meaningful understanding follows. A big reason for this is that talking often includes efforts to explain and provide description. Those who talk do so with the purpose of being understood and even validated. They are looking to make a difference.


Talking, more than other forms of communication, is the one that is most personal. We talk and it is us live and in-person. Talkers see right away what kind of impact, if any, they are having.  Writers do not have that luxury as often what they put down on paper is read, if at all, by others outside their presence. They are not able to experience how their words and thoughts are received. Talkers can and do. When people talk, they risk criticism, disrespect, disagreement, and disapproval. Singularly or collectively, all of these are downers. On the flip side, there is also the chance of receiving affirmation, validation, and approval. What is better than any one or all of those?


Our esteem is on the line when we talk. Because of that, it is no wonder that some have difficulty expressing themselves orally as well as they would like. This is probably the main reason so many people fear speaking in a public setting. None of us wish to look less than we are. Yet the opportunity to elevate our standing before others and actually make a difference in the lives of folks beyond ourselves is an intoxicating temptation. Talking is not to be taken lightly even though we all do it every day, often times with little or no preparation or thought. In the world of communication, talking remains the great game-changer.