Being an Open Book

One communication characteristic people share is if they have something they want to say, then the say it. Yes, people may "hold their tongue" on occasion, but eventually they will share what is on their mind. Granted, it may not always be before or to the intended audience. Nevertheless, thoughts are not kept buried forever. For instance, an employee may be frustrated with their supervisor but understandably choose not to share their thoughts with that boss. Still, the frustrated worker will in all likelihood let someone know of their discontent. Also, they may actually communicate their feelings via the quality of their work or their attitude while on the job. All of us make known our feelings and/or thoughts on some level and in some way. None of us "keep a lid on it" as well as we might think.

I am reminded of former president Ulysses Grant and the tail end of his life. As a result of putting his trust in the wrong people and how own misguided judgment regarding his finances, as described in his outstanding 2017 biography of Grant, author Ron Chernow captures Grant's obsession of regaining what he lost by agreeing to write his autobiography, a project he had previously been reluctant to undertake. What added even more urgency to this venture was the fact Grant had been diagnosed with cancer. Doctors agreed it was only a matter of time before his end. For Grant, it was a time when he decided to share thoughts he had been content to keep to himself.  In the span of just a few months, the former president put down over 360,000 words and produced what historians view as being one of the finest presidential memoirs ever.

My point in all this is that rare is the person who literally keeps their thoughts to themselves. Thus, given the inevitability of communicating what is one our mind, it is important that we focus more on determining ways to effectively share rather than withhold. "Biting our tongues" may be something we do from time to time, but that does not last long. At the end of the day, all of us are "open books." As a result, our challenge is to be open in a way that communicates what is inside of us in a manner that is understandable, respectful and not off-putting.

A Relationship Business

Perhaps the most overriding characteristic of any positive relationship any of us might enjoy is that we never want it to end. Despite whatever challenges it may entail, we embrace sound relationships because of the end result: good feelings. Two friends remain friends because they enjoy each other's company and provide each other with a strong sense of acceptance and belonging. So, even if the friends have a disagreement, the good feelings easily outweigh those negative times to the point that each person does what is necessary to get their connection back to where it was. Ideally, the result is a relationship with a long shelf-life.

When organizations or even individuals secure the services of a public relations firm they do so with the goal of establishing and maintaining a relationship with another entity. For example, a candidate running for public office wants the lasting support of voters in order to help her or him be elected and then carry out the work they pledged to do in order to be re-elected. The politician definitely does not want their relationship with voters to begin and end on election day. In the business world, shop owners love it when customers walk through their doors. You can bet they also want repeat business from those same customers.

Those working in public relations are in the relationship business. The best strategies they devise are ones geared to bring two entities together and then lay the groundwork for keeping them together. Just as I acknowledge that such a statement is simple, I also admit that carrying it out successfully is not so simple. Relationships can often be complicated. Ones that last any significant length of time often face an array of obstacles or hurdles that interfere with their "happy place." Having a solid foundation and sense of how best to keep it secure are what keep the bond strong. In the world of outreach, this is what public relations practitioners do.

The Keyboard

It was in high school when I first began using a type writer. To this day, nearly 55 years later, I distinctly remember sitting near the back of the class in the school's typing class and slowly begin gaining a workable understanding of this contraption. I hesitate to use the word "master." The typing class was not mandatory but I remember thinking that learning this skill might prove to be of use some day. (Even at that early age I got lucky in the decision-making department.) The typewriters we used Royals, an effective-enough machine though I always found the keys to be too heavy. Eventually, the Underwood typewriter became my writing tool of choice.

Shortly after signing up for the typing class, I began writing for the my high school newspaper. My "beat" was sports. It was then that writing machines became a regular part of my life. Fast forward to the present as I sit here at the keyboard of my home computer, it is a rare day when I do not spend at least part of my time doing what I am doing now. (I am happy to note that computer keys are even lighter to the touch than those of the Underwood.) Whether it is emails to friends, this blog or working on various manuscripts, the keyboard remains a constant part of my life. I like to think it has been a good relationship.

With the advent of the "delete" button, today's keyboards are so much more user-friendly. Thank goodness. Despite my typing proficiency, my typing mistakes remain high. Still, banging away at the keyboard remains, to me, a good feeling. I see writing as a very helpful way of communicating whatever thoughts I have. The keyboard is the vehicle on which I make that ride most every day. (This is in no-way to suggest all my thoughts are golden, but at least, generally, they are understandable.) The point here to this entry is to give a shout-out to the keyboard, perhaps the unsung hero in the evolution of writing devices.       

A Humanistic Approach

One of the great things you can say about people is that they do not stand still. They always seem to be either on the go or involved in some sort of adventure or drama. I mention that as, according to author Steven Pinker in his 2018 book, Enlightenment Now, there is a growing movement called "Humanism." Inspired by the philosopher Baruch Spinoza, its focus is to promote meaning and ethics: good without God. As part of the movement, a Humanist Manifesto has been created in which its followers have attempted to articulate their overriding goals. One in-particular speaks to a primary goal of public relations: "Humans are social by nature and find meaning in relationships."

As explained by Pinker, this goal speaks to establishing a world where "differences are resolved cooperatively without resorting to violence." Ideally, he notes, it speaks to a desire to create interactions that build on mutual care and concern. Public relations, of course, is based on the premise of identifying mutual interests between publics and then formulating strategies designed to, in a sense, build on them. The strategies, ideally, are based on researching the interests of people and then coming up with strategies as to how best folks can communicate with each other. Depending upon specific circumstances, the interactions can be short or long-term.

Humanists see themselves as not belonging to any specific sect or religion. Instead, they see their beliefs transcending all barriers that people traditionally use to better label themselves. Perhaps not-so-coincidentally, public relations practitioners generally see their skills and practices as being equally transcending. Given that, one could easily conclude that public relations as a social science and its practitioners as professionals are humanistic in approach as well. Both work from the premise of cooperation. Humanism attempts to appeal to the better nature of people. Ideally, so, too, does public relations.

Communicating in Retirement

I begin this entry with a bold statement: It is great having friends. One, I do not believe, has to have a lot of friends in order to live a full life with meaningful and fulfilling social interactions. Such encounters round-out the times we devote to family and the professional side of our lives. For myself, this is especially true as I continue to immerse myself in the world of retirement. The professional side of my life is now history. Besides no longer having to put on a tie and coat on anything even close to a regular basis, retirement has made a dramatic change in my interactions with others. When working, I interacted with others whether I wanted to or not. Now, as a retiree, interactions mainly have to be created.

Initiating encounters is a communication challenge that is different than walking into an office full of co-workers where everyone is interacting with each other non-stop. Communicating from the aspect of being retired requires a certain level of effort that is not needed when employed. Employees have little-to-no choice about engaging with others. On the other hand, retirees have to make a "move" or the odds are any encounters with others will simply not happen. Thus, one difference between the two is the mind-set. Communicating with others as a retiree is largely a willful act. It is proactive. As an employee, it is much more reactive.

Nowadays I find myself planning out my connecting with others. To leave encountering with friends to-chance is too much of a long shot, particularly because most of the friends that I see regularly are retired as well. They, too, are adjusting to their new lifestyles. This is a challenge that all of us are facing together. For me, I do not want to be retired without them. This is because, from my perspective, the last thing I want is to view life only through my eyes. And if it means initiating my interactions with others, then so be it.   


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Word-Fumbles

There was a story in the press several years ago about a trainer for the terrorist group ISIS who was demonstrating to a class of wanna-be terrorists how an explosive vest works. No doubt he figured what better way to share this information then to bring in an actual explosive vest and walk the class through how it works. At this point, if you have guessed that during the "lecture" the instructor triggered the explosive vest and blew up himself and the students, then you go the head of my class today. (I cannot help but wonder if that teacher's final words were, "Class dismissed.")

I am not going to pretend to feel sorry for anyone in that class as obviously none of them, from the perspective of humanity, were good people. Still, what happened provides us with a perfect and even colorful example of how efforts to communicate do not always go as well as intended. All of us have times when we are trying to impart something to another and either end up mangling our words or end up not saying what we set out to say. When that happens to me, it ends up frustrating me even more than it does the person to whom I am speaking. It is case of our words not matching our thoughts. At these moment, as is the case when any misstep or fumble occurs, the challenge for all of us is what to do about it. How do we handle it?

Even if one is speaking to a large audience, the best thing to do is acknowledge that you just misspoke. It may be a little embarrassing at that moment, but to either pretend that you did not misspeak or to just keep speaking puts one on a dangerous path that in all likelihood will either lead to greater confusion among the audience or damage your credibility as a communicator. Those outcomes are far worse then a simple word-fumble. No one expects perfection from a speaker simply because occasional word-fumbles is something all of us experience. When it comes to communicating, being understood is the bottom-line goal.       

Hold the Puppy

The other day my wife and I went into a local car dealership to do some window shopping regarding getting a new car. We had no intention of buying anything that day. We were just there to look. As soon as we walked through the day a salesperson attached himself to us and instantly became our new best friend. Within minutes we were being walked around the lot, checking out the kind of vehicles in which we were interested. After some back-and-forth, we finally identified one particular car we would not mind taking home - if we were of a mind to do so that day. It was at this point - as if he was thinking of this for the first time - the salesperson said, "How about taking the car out for a drive."

Looking back, as soon as we said, "yes," and got behind the wheel of the car, the chances of our not agreeing to purchase the car pretty much went out the window. As we were driving around, running a few errands, and enjoying the ride in this new model, my wife and I acknowledged that we were going to make this purchase. I made the observation that letting us take the car for a spin was akin to going to an animal shelter or pet store to look at dogs and having one of the workers say, "Hey, why don't you at least hold this puppy." Once you have the critter in your arms and it is being as adorable as all puppies are, what are the odds of you going home without it?

Without question, enabling people to gain first-hand experience, as the salesperson did with us and the car, is a powerful strategy. In quick fashion, it helped my wife and I envision having this vehicle as part of our every day lives to the point where we turned that image into reality. Generally, such a strategy works wonders when it comes to communicating effectively. In fact, I have no doubt such a strategy is one all salespeople attempt to implement dozens of times every day. The more any of us can do to help our audiences actually experience what we are attempting to put forward, the more receptive they will be to our perspective.