Instant Whatever You Want

"I want what I want and I want it now." How many times have many of us heard that statement or one close to it? It refers to instant gratification - the kind that micro ovens or toasters give us. We want our food heated. Press a few buttons and within seconds you have heated bread or most any other kind of food or even drink. What's on television? Click the "on" button on your remote and instantly the television set is up and running to give you hours of entertainment. Is the hour late but you are having trouble falling asleep? No problem. Take a pill and within minutes you are snoozing away as if you invented this form of relaxation.     

These days, perhaps the best example of instant gratification is the Internet. No question this is a powerful communication tool. People all over the world use it. The amount of information on virtually any topic that it allows us to access immediately is nothing short of remarkable. The Internet matches this by allowing us to connect with thousands and even millions of others within moments. These people can be folks we do or do not know. We articulate our thoughts or ask questions on a given topic on, for example, Facebook or You Tube and before you can take another sip of coffee it is not uncommon to be receiving feedback of all kind from literally throughout the world.   

This feedback can take issue with your initial communique or even validate your perspective. It can provide you lots of negativity or support. Instantly. Either way, particularly if you are a person who believes is not listened to, the Internet not only give you a voice but also an ear. Actually, it has the potential to give you lots of ears. From a technological perspective, this is amazing. It is also a bit scary. The reality that any one can send out communiques that are purposely false or misleading, ugly in tone, defamatory against individuals or segments of the population, and theoretically receive support and encouragement certainly gives me pause. It also is why I have a love-hate relationship with the Internet. 

Billiards and Pool

I have always considered billiards to be more of a gentleman's game. My image of it includes well-dressed men with expensive cigars and brandy in an expensive club playing this game of angles, bank shots and nuance. Pool, on the other hand, is more of a game of and for the so-called common man; guys with beer and loud music. My own experience, by far, is with pool. In general terms, these days, pool is more much popular than its exclusive "cousin." I have played both, enjoy both, and truth-be-told, am not particularly good at either one.

Billiards is a game of finess. To me, it calls upon its players to be more strategic in determining ways to hit the other two balls on the table while, at the same time, making as many bank shots as possible.  Pool, of course, requires strategic thinking, too, but, generally, its playing is more straightforward and  power-based. Billiards calls upon its players to follow a more subtle approach to scoring points and, ultimately winning games. Looking at the two, they represent primary public relations strategies that are often carried out in today's world. One is a more nuanced strategy while the other is more of what one might characterise as an in-your-face approach. Nowadays, the in-your-face approach is much popular.

We see examples of it in the many political campaigns being conducted right now. At rally after after candidates call their opponents awful names. "My opponent is a liar, uncaring and corrupt." Nothing subtle about that. On the other hand, rarely, it seems, do we hear candidates carefully outline the differences in, say, their economic or immigration positions. Granted, the "pool" approach seems to resonate much more with audiences these days than what I would consider the "billiards" style. In fairness, I suppose, candidates seeking votes need to do what works best. I acknowledge this reality with regret. It does not speak to either the players or those of us who are watching and accepting.

The Voluntary Aspect of Relationships

When someone mentions the word "relationship," regardless of whether it is personal or professional, the notion of a connection lasting a long period of time pops into my head. I view them as being much more substantive than, say, encounters that many of us experience throughout each of our days. Perhaps because often times a solid relationship is the result of an extended effort on the part of all parties, I view them as being long-lasting. Relationships are usually things we seek-out and view as being a positive force in our lives. Consequently, the longer they last the more we see them as being beneficial to our lives. Plus, particularly because they are of benefit, they are aspects of life we do what we can to perpetuate.

Granted, relationships can be negative. But when that is the case, such connections are ones we all tend to either avoid or active only as is necessary. But positive or not, there is one thing that all relationships have in-common: they last only as long as we want them to. Relationships are a voluntary act much like voting or deciding to wear tennis shoes. The fact is we can conclude any given relationship we might have at any time we want. How? Simply by no longer engaging with that other person. Yes, it may be awkward or inconvenient, particularly if that "other" is a family member or co-worker. Still, we maintain them because of the perceived benefit we see in them.

I note the voluntary aspect of relationships because of the kind of communicating involved in establishing and maintaining one entails. This includes research: learning of a person's interests and priorities, gaining a sense of how they wish to interact, and, most importantly, gaining their confidence and trust. Yes, achieving such objectives can be and often is work. But such work, when carried out under the mantel of being done voluntarily, becomes more of a building block then it does drudgery. This, then, is part of the joy of public relations work whether it is for one's self or another.    

    

Communication's Natural Order

Let me begin by acknowledging the act of communicating with another is, at times, is enough to make any one's eyes cross. On the one hand, ideally, successful communicating results in mutual understanding and exchange between multiple publics. But on the other, the questionsof how often that happens or how easily is that attained represent major hurdles. To communicate effectively, in my view, calls upon participants to place greater emphasis on achieving a "greater good" than they would toward satisfying their own self-interest. This speaks to placing the goals of effective communication over one's specific objective.

But how realistic is that? In his wonderful autobiography, Thomas Merton observed that the natural order of man's behavior is to "...live for themselves and for their own interests and pleasure, and therefore are constantly interfering with another's aims, whether they mean it or not." (Merton's book is "The Seven Storey Mountain" and I highly recommend it.) As I agree with Merton's opinion, I readily acknowLedge the innate challenge we all face when we attempt to communicate with another. If one accepts Merton's point of view, then the matter of group interest versus individual interest comes into play.

In fact, not only is this contradictory thinking at-play, it is part of the communicate challenge. Perhaps one could even describe it as THE ultimate communication challenge. If one is going to carry out their own goal, then doing so must be done is separate steps. First comes group or mutual interest and second comes one's specific goal. Anything less than that, at best, will most likely result in less then satisfactory or effective communication. Therefore, the natural order of communicating includes efforts to address both group and individual interest. The trick now is get everyone to recognize that so that all efforts to communicate can occur much more smoothly.

Taping into Sun Tzu

A key concept when it comes to communication is flexibility. Yes, people often are predictable but at the same time they can and do the unexpected. In addition, life itself can and does provide more than enough twists and turns to "keep us on our toes." In the most famous "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu, the author writes about how victory should be achieved by methods "regulated by the variety of circumstances." I interpret this observation as highlighting the importance of flexibility, that is having the ability to adjust to the unexpected. As part of this, Tzu notes one should not be locked into repeating tactics that initially gained them a particular goal.

By alluding to "The Art of War," I am drawing a slight parallel between communicating effectively and war. Both "sides" as it were are striving to achieve a set goal: to be heard and understood. Sometimes this can lead to a conflict as, for instance, how I wish to be understood may not be in-sync with how you may wish to be seen. In giving an employee a pay raise, a supervisor may feel they are rewarding good behavior. Other workers, however, may view such an act as favoritism. These differing interpretations represent conflict and call for flexibility on the part of each "side" if they are to make known their logic and achieve some level of mutual understanding.

As part of this, as noted by Tzu, in warfare there are no "constant conditions." Such an observation certainly applies to life itself and the ability each of us has to alter any set of circumstances. We also, I believe, have the ability to adjust to changing circumstances in order to achieve effective communication. In this sense, as much as possible how we communicate should be similar to water in that it has no constant shape because in its movement it is constantly adjusting to its circumstances. Again, I draw from Tzu here. While we may have a particular goal in each attempt to communicate, we must be flexible in how we go about achieving it.

Dark Thoughts

Dark thoughts. We all have them. I am not necessarily talking ones of a sexual nature though they would certainly fall under that umbrella. They can revolve around comments about individuals or groups of people. They can focus on the characteristics or qualities of individuals, including ourselves. They can include actions we could take regarding our own preferences as they apply to ourselves or even others. The list of examples is pretty much endless. Whatever the specific subject or focus of  these kind of thoughts, generally a striking similarity they all share is that they are thoughts we keep to ourselves.

We keep them "dark" because if known to others, then would either be very embarrassing, lead others to think less of us, or possibly trigger negative actions toward us. Consequently, as a rule, we keep them safely tucked away in our own minds. One interesting characteristic of these kind of thoughts is that we do not mean them or, even if the opportunity presented itself, we would not act on them. So, one might ask, why have them? Despite their inappropriateness or even ugliness, they can be fun to have; serve as a safe release to help us deal with our anger or frustration. For instance, would I really want to "kill" that driver who cut me off in traffic? No way. Not ever.

Dark thoughts represent a common step in our own internal communication process that we often take on our way toward formulating thoughts much more appropriate for public consumption and even action. Dark thoughts, then, are nothing to be ashamed of unless they do see the light of day and end of being used against us. Sometimes folks make the mistake of sharing inappropriate or dark thoughts that should never be unveiled. Generally, this is a mistake unless the person on the receiving end can be trusted not to pass them onto others. Dark thoughts, then, are ok so long as they are kept in their proper place.