Sunday, January 27, 2019

Answer to Panic

Ever have a panic attack? I have. It's not fun. It is not fun when logic goes out the window and is replaced by what feels like boundless fear. It is not fun when you feel as if your world and all the order within that makes you feel life is under control appears to disappear. In my case, fortunately, I have had a very few what I would consider panic attacks. None lasted long and I was able to regain my balance pretty quickly. I feel badly for others, however, who may experience such emotional breakdowns more often and then have difficulty pulling themselves out of them. It is not a good place to be.

The other day I was in a bakery where I witnessed a toddler in a carriage experience a panic attack. He was with his older brother and their mother. The brother was walking around looking at the decorative cakes and pastries while the mother was busy picking out breads. The toddler lost track of them and suddenly did not know where they were. Judging by the look in his eyes and frantic way he began twisting in his seat to try to spot those with whom he was with, particularly his Mom, there was no doubt his limited world was crumbling around him. The anguish in his cry left no doubt that this young man was very much in a panic mode.  

All of us experience times of uncertainty even to the point of making us feel on-edge. What's the answer? What is the ultimate calming salve? Information. The more it is shared with us the more stable we feel. Even when there is no new information, telling people even that is most helpful. Information is the ultimate answer that keeps us from losing control much like that child in the bakery. If the Mom had kept him abreast of her whereabouts then he would have been fine. I share these thoughts as a reminder to all professional communicators because it is they who are often the providers of information to which we all rely.   

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Reflections of an Old Timer

The other day I was reminded of a line from Stephen King's popular and lengthy book, "It," in which one of the characters (and I am paraphrasing here) comments that as old timers pass on they are replaced by new old timers." Such an observation speaks directly to the concept of old guard versus new guard, old generation versus new generation, establishment versus up and coming, etc. Such dichotomies represent inevitable contrasts in which each side often looks at similar challenges and/or aspects of life and is convinced their perspective is best. The other side either lacks the experience to recognize the true picture or is far too stuck in their own way of thinking to properly grasp what is going on. Hence an ongoing bumping of heads.

In this old timers versus new old timers scenario, one area such a contrast is often found is communication. In this regard, I point to myself as falling into the old timer camp. (I concede this not necessary as a point of pride but rather as a statement of truth.) A few years ago I wrote a book called "Media Relations in the 21st Century." For a little while it was even used a textbook at various colleges in the U.S. A basic premise of the book was a challenge to strategies currently being utilized by media relations workers to generate more publicity for clients. My idea was that they needed to follow strategies that oldies like me where we would initiate as much face time with reporters as possible. The new comers, I contended, were and are relying far too much on electronic outreach.

While I still believe there is merit to my premise, I can see now that I failed to give as much credence to the new dynamic between the press and media relations types as I should have. This is especially true when one considers the ever-growing emergence of social media as a public relations tool. Yes, face-to-face interaction is important. But the fact is the work-lives of both reporters and media/public relations workers is hardly anything like it used to be. The result is media relations is not as simple as it used to be in my time. As I see it, as an old timer, I need to either step aside for the new old timers or be much more open to their perspective. It is the only way communication as an industry and social science is going to continue to evolve in a positive way.      

 

Monday, January 21, 2019

Communication on the Campaign Trail

Over the past few weeks several prominent folks in politics have declared their intention to run the Presidency of the United States. It is always an exciting moment when one take such a giant step forward. They all full of hope and surrounded by well-wishers and many smiling faces. People cheer at the candidate's every word. For the length of their time in the spotlight, each one looks as if they have a realistic chance to attain the highest position in the land. Sadly, a good start does not guarantee a position election experience. On the heels of that upbeat announcement comes months of budget set-backs, poor attendance at rallies, and butting heads with the competition. While any one can declare their interest in the presidency, it is obvious that only a few should take the plunge.

Most of us are at our are at our communication best when we are relaxed and feeing comfortable with what we know we wish to say. The fact that in many campaigns we often now are not given the opportunity to shine in ways that best showcase our communication chops. Candidates, instead, often have to make the best of what they are given. It is snowing heavily in  Bridgeport so instead of 5,000 people showing there may be less than 50. Nevertheless, the candidate must put on their best "game face" and make the attendees belief that their participation is important.

This sort of thing costs money, so in addition to connecting with voters, candidates must be constantly fund-raising.  Often, you will hear candidate talk of this is the worst part of their job because they do not enjoy doing it and because it takes them away from  doing the job they wee elected to in the first place. Despite the endless string of less-than-ideal communication opportunities, the candidate or two who best copes - endures - with  them is often the one who manages to come out on top of the voting tallies. Perhaps it is the best communicators who end up winning elections after all.

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Ego

Ego. We all have one. It speaks to our level of self esteem, how we view or assess ourselves. Some of us have a big one while others have one that is small. And, perhaps for many, the size of our ego varies in size depending upon our actions, what might be happening around us and what we perceive others might be saying or thinking about us. Ego is a tricky part of our psyche that we acknowledge is a big part of how we view ourselves despite the fact that many of us like to pretend otherwise. Any time I hear someone say they have no ego, I roll my eyes because I know better. We all have opinions of ourselves, want to feel about ourselves, and worry about how we come across to others. 

None of those above-comments represent new ground. But when it comes to ego, what I believe is worth noting is just how much of a role ego plays in our communication efforts. For instance, if I want others to think highly of me, then you can bet I am going to couch how I express myself accordingly. At the same time, if I have principles or values to which I strive to be true, then that, too, will help shape how I express myself. (The trick, of course, for all of us is to be consistent in how we communicate with others regardless of what our motivating force might be. Generally, people pick-up pretty quickly when we are not being true to ourselves or straight-forward with them.)

One particular point I wish to make in this entry is that there is no shame or cause for embarrassment in acknowledging that we often communicate with others in ways so as to not offend or turn-off. This, however, does not mean we should spend our days saying only what we believe others want to hear. The truth is our views may not be to everyone's liking or be received with nodding hands and high-fives. How we communicate should be driven by being respectful, truthful, and understandable. If we do that successfully on a consistent basis, then I would say the odds of our having a healthy and strong ego are very high. 

Monday, January 14, 2019

No Rest From Feelings

In the world of humans, feelings are a big deal. They are ever-present and often-times ever-changing. The often drive our decisions, dictate our moods, dominate how we interact with others and heavily influence how we cope with the overall challenges of life itself. And if all that was not enough, the bottom-line kicker is that there is no escaping them. They define our essence as to the kind of living entity we are. As there are other living creatures in the world that do not possess feelings, it is emotions that separate us from them. For us, without feelings, we would simply not be human.  

Given such a fundamental characteristic, it is amazing that there exists on a daily basis the following: attempts on our part to hide or mask our feelings; attempts on our part to deceive ourselves and others about feelings we have or do not have; ongoing efforts by others to control or influence our feelings; times when we deny responsibility for our feelings or having any impact we may have on the feelings of others; and pretending that feelings are all that important in our day-to-day lives. Leave to people to exhibit such behavior over a human quality that is as undeniable as it is ingrained within us. It is as if our feelings - regardless of what they might be at any given moment - represent our core or basic center.      

Much of communication as a social science and practice is designed to affect feelings. When it comes to others, communication is designed to have impact. When it comes to ourselves, communication is geared to provide us with greater understanding about ourselves and actions that may derive from what we are feeling. Being so complex and multi-layered, our feelings are a moving target thus being difficult, at times, to either explain to others or embrace within our own heads. Thus, who could blame any of us for wanting to take a time-out from trying to wrestle with feelings regardless their origin or level of intensity? Too bad, however, we really cannot do that.    

Thursday, January 10, 2019

What Time is Breakfast?

Let me set the stage. Two couples are vacationing together. They are in the lobby of their hotel at the end of the first day of the trip. Looking ahead to the next day, they are agree that that will start by having breakfast in the hotel together. One of the spouses asks, ""What time should we meet?" After a bit of back and forth, the four agree upon 7:30 a.m. The next day arrives and one of the couples enters the hotel restaurant at 7:30. The other couple, however, is nowhere to be seen. They do not arrive until about 20 minutes later. The two couples exchange greetings and finally settle in at their table to eat.

Finally, one of the spouses of the couple that arrived at the designated time speaks up and says, "I thought we all agreed to meet at 7:30?" The other couple shrugs and says, "Yes, we all set that time but we figured since we are all on vacation, we saw 7:30 as a general benchmark rather than something that had to be followed precisely. The important thing is for all of us to relax." How the exact rest of the conversation plays out is unimportant other than to say one couple was miffed  because they viewed 7:30 a.m. as a kind of verbal contract that was to be honored. The other couple saw it in what be called a "more loose way."  

In this scene, neither couple is necessarily in the wrong. Instead, it illustrates several aspects of communication: it is so easy it is for all of us to have a misunderstanding over the most inconsequential of things; and people can both hear and acknowledge what has been said, yet still have a misunderstanding as to the message's meaning. When a message is put-forth, those on the receiving end listen through their own filters. Unless the message and how it needs to be interpreted is explained and that explanation is accepted by the receivers, then there will always be room for misunderstanding.   

Monday, January 7, 2019

"We-Focused"

Who am I? What do I really want? What can I do to make people think more highly of me? What needs to happen for me to feel as good about myself as I want? Why don't others always seem to recognize my talents and gifts when often times they seem so clear to me? I repeat: Who am I? These are questions that definitely pop into my head occasionally. I bet others raise these same queries to themselves, too. How can any of us not? After all, among our most fundamental needs are basic desires to be liked, accepted and safe. To gain any or all of those goals requires that we confront ourselves with the kind of in-your-face interrogation that these and other questions represent.

All of this revolves around communication and the quality and consistency of how we do it. More specifically, one thing that answers to each of these questions has in common is that they are on-going. Getting others to think more highly of me, for instance, is not something that I can achieve and maintain on the strength of one comment or act. It requires an accumulation of deeds. To be the kind of person we wish to be and to gain the kind of recognition we wish to receive for it calls upon us to put forward a very steady and consistent level of communication about ourselves. There can be very little room for variance.

Does this mean we have to be perfect? Of course not. But it does mean we have to honest about our imperfections and responsible for the times we miss the bulls-eye. It also means we need to communicate our messages in ways that have the best chance of resonating with others. If I want to be viewed as a kind person, how can I best communicate that to others so that they, too, will see me in that way? Addressing such a question points to the reality that communicating is rarely all about us. It must be "we-focused" even if our ultimate goal may seem self-serving. Effective communicating places one in the realm of selflessness whether or not we realize that.      

     

Friday, January 4, 2019

Danger Money

The Sydney Harbour Bridge in Australia is a fascinating project that continues to enthrall despite the fact it has been open for nearly 87 years now. To see it and to experience it is to enjoy what remains one of the tallest and widest structures in existence. Hundreds of thousands vehicles per day take advantage of it as a matter of fact. Building such a structure, of course, was quite an undertaking and undertaken with a great deal of risk. During the nine years it took to build the bridge, hundreds of brave souls risked their lives each day. Many, in fact, were paid want was called "danger money" because of the danger that came with doing this job.

This compensation represented extra pay because the work these people did was recognized by their employees as being extra risky. As one who has had the fun recently of climbing the bridge, I have developed a small appreciation of the dangerous job those workers performed. Without question, I could never have done it. Walking to the top of the bridge - under the watchful eye of a well-trained guide - got me to thinking if there was any equivalency in the communication profession of one being eligible for "danger money." If I were an employee, would I be willing to pay my communicator extra cash for facing danger on the job?

Short of working with the media or general public in, say, a combat-type zone, there is no exact example of a communicator literally putting their life on the line while doing their job. However, this is not to say some communicators do not take consequential risk. For instance, there are those who risk their professional reputations each day based on how well they adhere to truth in what and how they communicate. A spokesperson for a high public office or military operation is one such person. So, too, are members of the media. If they lie or get things wrong, the impact could bring great harm to those receiving their messages. Truth has power and consequence. Tampering with it brings great risk.