Sunday, July 31, 2016

House Guests

There is an old one-liner that goes like this: "A friend in need is a pest."  It is funny, in part, because it is true. Yes, we love our friends and, yes, we do not mind helping them in any way in can. At the same time, favors they request from time to time can be a bother especially when life is so much easier when things - or people - are not pulling at us. The pressure from friends takes on a different level of complexity when they visit and stay at our house. Recently, we had this experience as a good friend of ours stayed at our house for several days. This was her first visit to our house as she resides in South Korea and has been to the United States before only a few times. 

Having a house guest is not like meeting a friend for, say, lunch. In that scenario, there is a mutual understanding that you will be together for a prescribed amount of time and that the responsibility of being engaging resides equally on both parties. But when someone stays at your house, the burden is largely on the host to fulfill the role of "entertainer-in-chief," initiator of activities, conversation-driver, etc. Make no mistake, those responsibilities are no small things. You have the home-court advantage and, consequently, are very much in the driver's seat when it comes to the entire dynamic between you and your guest.

It is times like this when communication can and should play a key role in helping ease whatever pressure that exists. This includes eliciting a ton of information from the guest. For instance, what kind of food do they like to eat? Are there local sites they wish to see? are they early risers? do they like going to bed late? and - the big one - how long are they staying? These and others are, of  course, fundamental questions. However, finding answers to them is not always easy because, as the host, the last thing you want the guest to feel is that you are eager for their visit to end. The trick is to be straight-forward in asking them but try doing so with a smile. After all, we are glad to hosting them. Aren't we?  

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Being Likeable

Who among us does not want to be liked? Sure, we want to be respected and even loved. But in addition, no matter who a person is or their station life, I would be mighty surprised if someone said that they - deep down - did not want to be liked by others as well. Given that, then, what does a person have to do to be liked?  Is there a special to-do list of how one should be have or conduct themselves if they are going to have others feel warm and fuzzy toward them? As it turns out, the answer is "yes." Recently, I came across an article on the web (author unknown) that listed actions that "extremely likeable" people do on a regular basis.

The observations ranged from smiling a lot, practicing good hygiene and making good eye contact with others to taking responsibility, focusing on being happy and getting off their cell phone while interacting with others. While those particular points are interesting, others hit home even more with me because they spoke directly to how well one communicates with others. These included paying attention to others or listening, remembering names, asking questions, not interrupting, not turning every comment from others into a form of competition, being respectful, and accepting that not everyone is going to agree with your perspective.  

Being an effective communicator involves recognizing that any interaction with another is not just about oneself. It very much involves engagement, talking with rather than at another or others. Unfortunately, too many times there are those whose focus rests entirely on making their points at the expense of not providing others with opportunities to be heard, ask questions or add to the dialog. The result, at least according to this article on the web, is that in doing this, one runs the risk of reducing how well they are liked. Maybe that might seem like a big deal, but just between you and me, I think it is.      

Sunday, July 24, 2016

A World of Strugglers

People are many things. Dreamers. Social-oriented. Self-absorbed. Compassionate. Knowledgeable. Not-so-knowledgeable. Worldly. Unsophisticated. Lots of what they - we - are is contradictory.  Some of it is flattering. Some not. The focus of this entry is another thing we are: strugglers. Each day, regardless of our station in life, we struggle to overcome a challenge or obstacle that looms before us. For some, it might be the need to finally balance their checkbook. Others might have to figure out how best to pack everything in preparation for that long-awaited family vacation. There are those who work on coming up with ways to keep their nations secure. And there are even some who struggle with the best way to connect with those around them.

The focus for this latter group of strugglers is, of course, communication. It is a category to which all of us belong. Granted, some are better at it than others. Their ability to empathize may be more keen than some. Their ability to string together coherent thoughts may be stronger than most. Still, despite this, it does not mean these folks do not struggle as well. As we know, communicating well is not something that any of us do perfectly all the time. Figuring out the best way to be understood without being offensive, off-putting or even boring is not an exact science. For those who do it well, however, one could even argue their struggle is more intense than those not quite as capable.

We run into an old friend or are introduced to a stranger. What are the best words to fit such occasions? We find ourselves arguing with a loved one. How can we say what we feel without further aggravating the situation or alienating them even more than they already are at that moment? Tough challenges. I wish I had sure-fire answers to both. Perhaps the path to a solution begins with recognizing communicating well is  not easy and, therefore, requires thought and being able to look beyond our own interests and understand the perspective of others. That is a struggle that, ideally, from which we will never shy away.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Our Nature

What is the nature of man? That continues to be a question of and for the ages, one that philosophers, scholars, scientists and, yes, even regular folks like me have been wrestling with for a long time. Recently, I came across a quote put forth by Immanuel Kant that speaks to that question. Kant said, "With men, the normal state of nature is not peace but war." Upon first glance, and perhaps additional glances as well, that perspective does not place humans in a very positive light. War not peace. Are we always butting heads or, if not, looking for ways to initiate some sort of head-butting contest? This is what Kant seems to suggest.

From where I sit, however, I view Kant's observation as addressing man's perpetual struggle with all aspects of life. This includes man's struggle with outside forces such as the drive to seek and obtain food and water and internal elements that speak to man's need to feel good about humor herself and achieve some sort of sense of fulfillment. There is a difference between this type of "nature" and one where man is viewed as preferring to do battle with others. Granted, man's struggles often seem to involve conflict or "war." But war only represents one way in which man's struggles are played out. To me, struggle is man's nature rather than war.

There is no better area where this is represented than communication. All of us constantly struggle with figuring how most effectively to make our thoughts, feelings and actions best known, understood and ultimately accepted. This struggle is not necessarily driven by a need to conquer others but, rather, gain acceptance or, more basically, get along. This is a good thing. Unfortunately, not communicating well or successfully can be quite frustrating and eventually lead to some type of head-butting. This is why we all need to work harder at becoming better communicators. It helps make our struggles all the more easy.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

A Human Voice

To begin, it is only fair that I concede the fact most every business uses a voice recording to handle incoming calls from the public, including customers, makes sense. The volume of calls, I assume, has got to be quite large on any given day, so to have workers handling an array of incoming calls may not seem like the most cost-efficient way to utilize an employee's time as well as contend with the public.  Businesses, after all, exist to make money. Anything getting in the way of that should be looked at very closely. The last thing an entrepreneur wants is to spend money unnecessarily or to accrue costs not needed.

I get that. At the same time, it also needs to be pointed out that for businesses to do well consistently, then they must have positive interactions with the public, including valued customers. Without positive ties, any business' efforts to remain economically viable become all the more imposing. this, then, brings me back to the reality of voice recordings versus using real-live people as operators. Recordings are more cost-efficient while operators are more customer friendly. Which one is better for a business? Which one better enhances a business' ties with its public? Which one better communicates the message "we care about you" to all taking the time to call?

I am a strong proponent of using human operators. Recordings are fine when the business is closed or during off-hours. Otherwise, nothing connects better with people than people. While it goes without saying that businesses need to produce a reliable product and/or service to survive, hand-in-hand with that must be friendly and personable interactions. The human touch. There is nothing better when it comes to making persons feel welcomed and appreciated. When that kind of communicating occurs, then not only are persons more apt to return to a particular business, but they are more likely to feel better about it.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Editors

They are a fascinating lot. And one to which those of us who spend a great deal of time trying to put together a minimum of two sentences together that come close to being coherent owe much. These special brand of communicators devote their time to making sense of our original drafts in order that  readers - that elusive lot - may enjoy and/or make sense of what we have attempted to compose. We writers know what we want to say. The trick comes in trying to put down on paper our thoughts or vision in a style that will be readable and understandable to others. Editors strive to make that happen.

Editors, to me, have to be the ultimate readers. Any one that devotes their professional time to pouring through the prose of others to determine whether it is worthy of public consumption has got to love reading. Good stuff. Bad stuff. They read it all. And they determine if it is promising enough to turn into something to be made available to the public. That is a skill I call awesome. In my time I have edited the works of others, including many papers by students, so I can personally attest to the skills of professional editors. What I lack, they have. Writers are often called "wordsmiths," but that title actually belongs to editors.

Many writers, myself included, view themselves as being behind-the-scene people. We prefer giving center stage to our words.  This is even more true of editors as they prefer turning over the spotlight to the words of others. No only do they have to have a broad understanding of language, but they need to be able to use that language in a style reflective of others. Their super power, as it were, is found in this rare ability to communicate in a way that showcases the best of others' intent. Effective communication, to editors, is helping writers communicate as well as they can. So, to all editors everywhere, thank you for working so hard to trying to make us writers look good.

Monday, July 11, 2016

Interact Now!

These days in the United States there is much tension in the air. With more mass shootings within the past week, folks are speaking out as to why this time of terrible violence is happening and what should be done about. Much of the heated rhetoric is driven by anger, fear, frustration, and passion. All of it is understandable though, in part, misguided. For instance, I do not accept the notion that the shootings are the acts of persons wishing to overthrow the US. As in any such extreme actions, each has multiple trigger points. These might include a genuine desire to save America or, at the very least, help keep it safe. Others might represent the darker elements that actually want to harm our country.

One group currently fueling much outcry is Black Lives Matter. Its very name is the subject of controversy among some. There are those who view the group as depicting themselves as being of greater importance on others, such as Latino, whites and Hispanic. At the same time, members of BLM claim this is not the case. Their supporters view Blacks as being vulnerable much as, say, women were decades ago. Consequently, the plight of Blacks need to be highlighted, they say. While I agree with this perspective, I recognize there exists a significant gap between BLM's non-supporters and supporters. It is a communication problem.

One troubling point in all this is the fact little meaningful dialog between concerned folks seems to be occurring regardless of the passion all feel and display. Why aren't they talking? Why aren't more leaders moving toward inspiring greater interaction? The fact they are not, despite their levels of high position, makes them part of the communication problem; makes them part of the racial divide currently in the US. Differences must be met with interaction. Without verbal engagement, I see little chance of improving what currently is a sad chapter in our nation's history.

Friday, July 8, 2016

It's Not Wine

Perhaps like many, I occasionally enjoy a nice glass of wine. I say that knowing my level of expertise when it comes to wine is almost non-existent. In fact, that reminds me of the old joke where one person says their two favorite kinds of wine are red and white. That's me. One thing I do know is that many people place a great deal of value on wine that is aged. In wine cellars people store wine that  is many years old. While the difference in taste between old and new wine may be lost to me, I do appreciate how some folks view this kind of vintage wine as being the best there is. To those experts, old equals best.

Communication is not like wine. At it most effective it is current and fresh. Why is this? Why can't previous ways we have communicated, particularly that which has generated successful or positive results, be viewed as being tried and true? Why isn't it best for all of us, including professional communicators, to simply repeat those previously successful strategies? The answer to these questions can be captured in one word: audience. Those on the receiving end of our communication efforts are constantly changing. This includes their interests, needs, moods, challenges, and hopes. This applies to individuals as well as various publics.

The American public represents as example of this. Immigration and gun violence are among its top areas of interest these days. Previously it was jobs and the nation's infrastructure. Consequently, public officials and those running for elected office are faced with the challenge of devising different ways to speak to those new "top" concerns. On a more individual level, a friend I saw yesterday may have been in a good mood and, as a result, been open to a certain level of irreverence. Today his mood may be sour and not much open to easy banter. We change all the time. Thus, ways to ensure solid connections need to change as well.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Learning to Read

As we know, there are many ways to communicate. This imperfect blog site of mine is one. But much more popular and practiced includes such forms as talking, body language, writing and even listening. Another that was recently reinforced to me by my five-year-old granddaughter is reading. This bundle of smiles is currently learning how to read. As great as that is, what is just as fun is the fact she is enjoying it. It is a challenge, of course, but one that represents a step forward, an expansion  or intellectual growth spurt. A good thing. Without even articulating it, my granddaughter recognizes this. Good for her.

As is the case for many kids her age, my granddaughter bubbles over with curiosity and wonder. This new venture called reading represents an opportunity to satisfy those key elements of her persona. Also, reading is a giant step toward greater self sufficiency or independence. If one can read, then they do not need others as much to explain things or direct how they should do them. What any self-respecting five-year-old would not want that kind of freedom? Bottom line: being able to read is a good thing. (Have I said that already?) Does any one doubt that having this skill does not make their life better? Even my granddaughter recognizes this.

Having said, to this day I continue to be surprised when I hear people say they either do not enjoy reading or have trouble finding the time for it. Perhaps this is my own bias talking, but hearing that creates doubt in that person's intellectual prowess. Either way, it suggests a lack of interest in collecting new information that is necessary to ensure one's one mental growth and need to remain enlightened. The act of reading challenges our ability to comprehend. This, like reading itself, is a positive element when it comes to self-sufficiency. For my granddaughter and everyone else, I wish years of reading pleasure. It is a great communication tool.

Friday, July 1, 2016

The Voice of Reality

Perhaps it is life's most sobering truism: life is not fair. Some people are born rich. Some are born poor. Some are born healthy. Some are born with a disability. Sometimes bad guys win. Sometimes good guys lose. And so it goes. Yet despite this reality, many of us cling to the notion that life balances out. At some point, we believe, those who do bad things, for example, eventually get what is coming to them. Charma is a term we give it. "What goes around comes around." How many times have we used that expression? It all points to the notion that good things and bad things eventually do balance out. Sadly, the hard truth is this is not necessarily the case.

My objective in pointing this out is not to be a party pooper or throw water on any one's hopes. Rather, it is to state this truth with the idea that for any of us to meet life's challenges on any kind of sustained basis, then we must have a good grasp of its realities. Just because one works hard does not mean they are always going to get ahead. It is the professional communicator's responsibility - duty - to remind others of this reality. Granted, we all like hearing what we want to hear. Few things make us feel better. Yet professional communicators are not in the business of simply making those that hire them feel good.

This is important to state because these professionals are often tempted to do just that. They guarantee success. They promise positive media coverage. They guarantee robust ticket sales. They guarantee good will. Making such promises is as wrong as it is a disservice to one's self and client. Successful communication practitioners must operate in the world of harsh truth. Never should they step outside that boundary or allow their client to do so. What they can and should guarantee is good and thorough effort. Particular results should only be presented as goals. Being the voice of reality is the essence of being a successful communication professional.