Tuesday, September 30, 2014

How Shall I Communicate?



The question itself is straight forward enough. It goes beyond subject matter. In many ways, that's the easy part. Coming up with a topic on which to sound off is not that much of a stretch, particularly when you do not have to weigh yourself down with facts. Exchanging opinions with another is good enough to constitute a conversation. Both parties say how they feel about an issue or subject and then move onto with the rest of their day. It is akin to dancing without actually making contact with one's partner. Technically, the two are dancing but their investment in the action or the other seems minimal.


How, then, should one communicate? With minimum intellectual or emotional investment or in a manner that calls for meaningful engagement? If the decision is to move beyond the superficial, then what does that entail? For starters, it calls for committing one's self to talking with and not at the other. It calls for taking responsibility for the success of the overall exchange rather one's own part in it. It means helping create an environment in which the person with whom you are speaking feels  respected and valued. It means being respectful. And it means knowing that for an exchange to be effective, then speaking and active listening are necessary ingredients.    


Is this mindset easy to maintain? No. Does helping create such meaningful exchanges with others require effort? Yes. Effective communication is a challenge, one not to be underestimated or taken for granted. Further, it is a challenge that is ongoing - virtually relentless. If this makes effective communication sound difficult, then it is for good reason. It is. There are, of course, many reasons not to have to work so hard at it: lack of time and energy are two. But there are also a multitude of reasons why one should: the benefits that come from respectful collaboration and the reality that each of us has need for others as we strive to fulfill our own dreams and achieve our goals.     

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Feedback

When two people or entities communicate or attempt to, one way to determine their success can be summed up in one word: feedback. This terms speaks to the response one communicates to the original sender of a message letting them know their communique has been received. Often that feedback lets the sender know how well their message was understood. Without some level of feedback - verbal or non-verbal - the sender has little way of knowing how effective their effort to communicate was. It cues the sender as to what action, if any, they should take next: conclude their outreach, expand upon their initial message, or repeat it.


Feedback, like communication itself, can be simple or complex. It can consist of a nod or smile, on one end, or a lengthy response on the other. Either way, feedback often determines the duration of an interaction as well as its tone. Thus, the one providing the initial feedback - the receiver - exercises a great deal of power. The manner in which they respond to what has been communicated to them often triggers the behavior on the part of the message's sender. This reality points to what is often an overlooked fact: the receiver is just as important as the sender in any act of communication. Both are dependent upon each other for the message's success.


In judging a communication exchange, there is a tendency to blame or praise the sender for its effectiveness. While it is obvious the sender is a vital component, to downplay the sender's part is to demonstrate a lack of understanding of how communication works. (For example, a quarterback can make a perfect pass, but the wide receiver has to catch the ball, in order for it to be viewed a successful completion.) Both have to do their part. It is feedback that ultimately decides whether each did what they set out to do. It is also important to note that feedback does not and should be automatically construed as agreement. The initial goal of any communication effort is understanding. Agreement comes later.  

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Raising the Ante

People will go to all kinds of lengths to communicate. It may not always be clear what they are trying to communicate, but nonetheless they will do all they can to let those around them know something is on their mind. Whether it is a person who initiates a killing spree at a public facility, a man who attempts to illegally enter The White House or, a young woman who decides to have a third breast surgically implanted on her chest, people seem to not hesitate to go to most any length to let others know they have something to say or share. On the one hand, this is good as it is important for us to express ourselves, but on the other - a third breast? Really?


Perhaps if I were smarter I would have a better grasp of the reasons that drive folks to take such extreme steps. Or maybe not. Still, make no mistake, it is all about communication. Everything we do ultimately leads back to wanting or needing to communicate. Whether it is our feelings or wanting to share information of some sort, communicating is always the driving force behind our actions. My own guess is that when people begin contemplating what they can do to communicate a message, they do not automatically go from zero to 100 miles per hour in their thinking. In other words, what ultimately may come out as a drastic step, is usually the final step in a series of earlier efforts they have taken to signal what is on their mind. The difference is the person may feel their previous signals may not have received the attention they deserved.


No question, it is frustrating when we feel those around us are not paying attention to us. Nobody wants to be ignored or overlooked. Naturally, when that occurs - or when we feel it is occurring - we conclude we must communicate differently in order to get the attention we want. One may tap another on the shoulder and say, "Hey, I have something to say." Another may start talking more loudly. And others might take a drastic step to communicate a message that, ironically, ends up getting overshadowed or lost in the horror or outlandishness of their actions. Perhaps if we did a better job of listening, then maybe those others would not be as inclined to go to the extremes they do.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Being a Craftsman

Two of the definitions of "communication" provided in the dictionary are that it is "an exchange of thoughts, messages or information" and that it represents "the art and technique of using words effectively in imparting one's ideas." This act serves as mankind's ultimate device for sharing and passing along their thoughts and feelings. Depending upon how it is used, communication is both the ultimate connector as well as the definitive divider. Either way, it is a powerful act. And the reality is some people are better at it than others. Some are more fluid with language while others struggle in how to make it best represent their thoughts and intentions. Some take it seriously while others do not.


This brings me to an old Turkish saying: "The man who uses his hands is a laborer. The man who uses his mind is a master. But the man who gives his heart to the passion is a craftsman." When it comes to communication, we all labor at finding the proper words or symbols to express ourselves. And then there are those who devote themselves to being the best they can be at this act. They are the masters. But the one who gives both their heart and mind to this practice is the true craftsman. This, to me, spells the difference between those who strive to use communication as a way of building and maintaining bridges with others versus those who use it to support or achieve their own ends.


Every time we put pen to paper, open our mouths or make a physical gesture we are making a choice: do we wish to simply share what is on our mind or, in doing that, are we going to try and achieve a higher purpose of striving to make an actual connection with another; to let others know we share their struggles, embrace their hope of better tomorrows, and are willing to work with them to achieve this end? The choice we make communicates whether we are going to be a laborer or a craftsman. It is the difference between doing what any one can do versus what only a few actually achieve.    

Friday, September 19, 2014

Finding a Sense of Direction

Never underestimate the benefits that come with having a good sense of direction. There is no question that one has a better sense of security when they know where they are going. No question one leaves the house in the morning on more firm footing when they know where they are going. Even if their intended destination is a place they are not looking forward to seeing, the assurance of knowing the path to take provides comfort. Not having a sense of direction only adds to one's anxiety and makes more difficult any effort they might be making to achieve a goal or move forward in anything close to a positive manner.


For an example of an entity without such a sense, one need look no further than the National Football League. The NFL and its teams have been very much in the news these days trying to deal with the misbehavior of players who are having issues with the law regarding disturbing incidents of domestic violence. The NFL's problem is that it had no clear idea what to do if players - off the field - ever broke the law. For instance, a player caught with an illegal substance is given one penalty. A player reported abusing their child is dealt with in another way. A player caught physically abusing their fiancĂ© is reprimanded in still another way.  No consistency. Little sense of proportion as to the punishment.


The result is an outraged public and a NFL commissioner under siege as he tries to explain the league's decisions and attitudes toward these various incidents. So far it is not going well. One reason is because the NFL is playing catch-up in deciding how to deal with player behavior the general public finds unacceptable and extremely serious. When it came to certain acts of misbehavior on the part of its players, the NFL had no sense of direction. The league is now trying to find it. Until that happens, how much of a price it will pay remains to be seen.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Giving Communication the Respect it Deserves

When it comes to communication, there are many things to which we can all be grateful. For starters, it is what makes it possible for all of us to connect with each other. Without it, there is little chance any of us would have the ability to create and maintain ties that bind. How would any one, for instance, know we want to speak with them? How would any one let us know they want to "friend us"" on Facebook? On the flip side of that, how could any one tell another they want nothing to do with them? More seriously, how would any of us learn that a cure for cancer has been discovered? Without our ability to communicate, even imperfectly, none of these scenarios would be possible or probably even thinkable.


Not only does our ability to communicate define us as the living creatures we are, but it is a major reason why we continue to remain at the top of the food chain. In short, communication is no small thing. It is an act none of us should ever take for granted, nor one we should ever view with anything less than the greatest respect. Sadly, there are times when we do just that; times when we abuse our ability to communicate. That occurs when we belittle others, insult them because their perspectives are different than ours, and even initiate violence against them because they have something we want. None of these are good acts of communication. They all are examples of abuses of the act of communication.


Often, communication is discussed as an act persuasion or one designed to establish relationships of some sort. Neither of these purposes are bad, of course. Yet without communication, those basic purposes that often drive our behavior would probably be figments in someone's imagination - if that. Certainly, all of us can be better communicators than we are. Perhaps one way to achieve that is to reflect on communication itself. There are no living creatures that have this ability in the way we do. This not only makes it important, but in many ways sacred. Our species needs to do a better job of honoring its existence rather than the opposite.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Dealing With Certainty

One of the hardest things to do in communication is changing someone's mind that is already made up. We all encounter people like this, particularly, at times, since we are that way, too. They are absolutely certain of what thy say, think and/or believe. Even dropping a stick of dynamite in their cereal bowl won't dissuade them from their certainty. They know what they know and that is all their is to it. As a way of explaining this mind-set that all of us adopt at various times, in 1957, American psychologist Leon Festinger introduced  his theory of cognitive dissonance, which stated people will not believe a message contrary to their attitudes and opinions unless one can introduce information that causes them to question their beliefs.


This means it is simply not enough for others to argue back at someone wrapped in the cloak of their certainty without having facts to support their own claims and perspectives. In other words, for communicators to be able to successfully persuade others to their point of view, they must do research and then put forth their information in a manner in which others can understand and, at least initially, be receptive to. There are few things more immovable than a person with a solid opinion. However, that person can be swayed if presented with information to which they can relate and in a manner that is not threatening or insulting.


According to Festinger, dissonance can be presented in three ways: the communicator makes their public aware things have changed; the communicator provides information about the new developments; and the communicator utilizes respected sources that the public trusts. Given these steps, however, this is not to suggest being persuasive is easy; nor is the use of facts and trusted sources always successful. At the same time, without these elements, there is little chance one can and will be persuasive. No attempt to communicate meet has a 100 percent success rate. But one needs to be well informed to come even close.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

The Challenge of Relationships

Make no mistake, relationships are hard. Whether they are personal or professional, in many ways they represent the most difficult of challenges when it comes to communication. By definition, the coming together of two individuals, entities or multiple publics signifies a sustained interaction which calls upon all participants to stop putting their own needs and/or interests as their top priority and, instead, giving those of their partner equal importance. It requires sacrifice not just for a moment, a day or even a week, but for a length of time that, ideally, has no end in sight. This sacrifice, in essence, becomes the "new norm." 


People enter into a relationship for the fundamental reason they believe such an alliance will better their current status. Two companies, for instance, join forces to increase their profit margin and visibility. On a more personal level, individuals come together for better enjoyment and in the belief such a coupling will enhance their own level of happiness. These, of course, are legitimate reasons and ones that are followed, recommended and defended virtually every day. Unfortunately, however, such actions do not always work out or, in a storybook way, enjoy a happy ending. The primary and most fundamental reason for this is poor communication.


When joining with another, a key element in such a decision is that when it comes to communicating, one must listen as much as they talk. There are not too many of us who do not enjoy spouting off from time to time. But when in a relationship, this means we need to let our partner do likewise all the while giving them the kind of friendly ear we want from them. Is this always easy? No way. This is especially true when we do not agree with what the other is saying. Nevertheless, healthy relationships are born from mutual respect and good old fashioned courtesy. When they cease to exist, it is only a matter of time before the relationship itself does the same.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Doing the Right Thing

Perhaps in more ways than any of us care to admit, in the kind of free market society in which we live, money is king. It seems to be what drives so many of our decisions and choices in how we contend with major issues, including the environment, health care and even human life. Having said that, it is always refreshing when an organization does choose what is right over what might be economically beneficial. I am speaking of the recent decision by the Baltimore Ravens football organization to cut its star player, Ray Rice, for physically abusing his then-fiancĂ© and now-wife Janay. Initially, Rice had been suspended for two games but then a video was released showing the full extent of Rice's actions. With that, the Ravens quickly ended its association with the player.


The team could have held fast to the two-day suspension and then reinsert Rice back into the lineup. Initially, that was their plan. Prior to the release of this new, more graphic video, the Ravens organization, including many players, were vocally supportive of Rice. They anticipated Rice's return, thus improving their chances of enjoying another winning and financially lucrative season. The video changed all that. In it, Rice and his partner are seen arguing in an elevator in an Atlantic City casino. Rice lets fly with a haymaker that knocks Janay to the floor unconscious. He is then seen dragging her body out of the elevator. It is the personification of ugly. 


Without Rice on the playing field, it is very likely the Ravens will not have the kind of season they anticipated. Further, revenue may not be what they have enjoyed in past seasons as well. At the same time, given the growing contempt the public was communicating regarding the initial suspension of Rice, when they saw as being far too lenient, the team was faced with a choice between further alienating its supporters as well as jeopardizing its reputation and taking a more firm stand against those who physically abuse others. The Ravens made their choice and, thus far, the result has been praise for them by the national press and general public. By communicating the value that people are more important than profit, it is very likely this season for the Ravens will turn out to be as positive as was initially hoped.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Balance of Power

If one measures the equality of a relationship by who holds the most power, then no two relationships are ever truly equal. It does not matter if people are linked via marriage, birth, employment or circumstance, rarely is there a time when their connection is one of identical balance. One always holds the upper hand even if it is for just a few moments. I see this every day in classes I teach. Initially, the balance of power is heavily tilted toward me. I talk - and hopefully make sense - and the students listen. But then one or several of them will begin asking questions or making comments. As they become more actively engaged, the balance shifts toward them. It becomes my challenge to keep up with them.


There is little difference in this dynamic in other traditional relationships, including parent and child, supervisor and subordinate, and even husband and wife. As one communicates, the attention on them. They are sending out a message and the other is listening and/or reacting in some way. Such an everyday occurrence represents a constant back-and-forth in who stands in the spotlight. The exchange between message sender and message receiver, then, not only represents the basic act of communication, but also this reality that rarely are relationships ever equal no matter which person has the most authority, knowledge or strength.


Such a shift is also found in the dynamic between public relations practitioners and reporters. If a PR person, for example, represents an in-demand client, such as a celebrity or elected official, then often they have the upper hand in dictating terms for an interview, such as which questions their client cannot be asked or final approval of what quotes the reporter will use. Then, there are times when the reporter has the power, such as when the PR person pitches a story for them to consider pursuing. This constant shifting of power is a fascinating element in the communication process. It also points to one reason why tension exists at times between two people or multiple entities.         

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Representing Russia

A not infrequent comment about lawyers is how they could defend someone who, in the eyes of the general public, is beyond redemption. This person, whoever it might be, has committed an act so awful that the act of stepping up to speak on their behalf is difficult to understand. Even though in the United States it is recognized that everyone - good or bad - has a right to legal council, the fact anyone could actually take on this responsibility is difficult for some to understand or appreciate. "How can you defend somebody who just did this awful crime," they will ask? Good question. But those who do it have an even better answer.


There are instances in public relations when agencies or practitioners are called upon to counsel or be the public voice or face on behalf of those that may seem undeserving. Such an instance, of course, is not quite the same as it is for lawyers since nowhere is it written or has it been decreed that everyone is entitled to public relations council. There are no "public" public relations practitioners as there are public defenders. Having said that, however, it is important to note that everyone does deserve a voice if they believe they need one. This what professional communicators do. In fact, those belonging to the Public Relations Society of America are pledged to do that.


One of the largest public relations firms in the world, Ketchum, is in the news these days because they are providing a voice on behalf of Russia, a country many are not feeling positive toward due to their military aggressions against the Ukraine and strong-armed censorship tactics against their own people, including the media. Should Ketchum be doing this? Should Russia be one client, regardless of what they are willing to pay, that Ketchum walks away from? One can certainly make a good argument for why Ketchum should not represent such a country. For me, particularly since Russia has other means by which to make their views and key leaders known, I believe Ketchum should think twice - at least - before maintaining a tie with Russia at this time.