Dealing With Yelling

Have you ever seen two people get into a yelling match? In raised voices thta erupt at the same time, the participants both send verbal shots across each others' bow in a non-stop, rapid-fire fury. Then, in what is maybe seconds or minutes later, the two stop to take a few moments to catch their breath, glare at the other, and reload with more verbal rockets to launch. Then, like a bunch of turkeys in a pen, they erupt with more gobbling. As an observer, it does not too long before you begin losing track of what each person is actually saying because they keep talking over the other. If nothing else, there is one guaranteed result that emerges from this not-so-pretty scenario: both people walk away feeling more frustrated than they were before it started. The reason for this, of course, is quite simple. Nothing was resolved. After all that verbal jousting, yelling and heated energy, whatever problem or misunderstanding that triggered this dual in the first place has been made worse.

The reason for this is equally as simple: neither party was listening to the other. Instead, they were too focused on getting things off their chest. Unfortunately, because of the heat of the moment, their desire to score verbal points was so intense they were blind to the fact the person they most wanted to hear their points was not listening because that person was also too intent on getting their own points across. The results: lots of yelling, lots of emotion, and increased hard feelings. None of these ingredients come any where close to being what is needed to obtain a positive resolution.

If you have never actually witnessed this kind of confrontation between family members or friends, then check out many of the so-called news talk shows on commercial and cable television these days and you before too long you will see this kind of verbal dance played out right there in living color. At first, you may find it be amusing or even entertaining. But I guarantee that initial reaction will quickly change into one of frustration and possibly even disgust. Very little, if anything, that is informative or enlightening comes from a confrontation of this nature. The punch line to this blog is this: Whether we are participants in such a confrontation or witness to one, there is one solution that is as timeless as it is unbeatable. For any of you who right now are thinking "listening," then you, my friends, may go directly to the head of the class. Listening is the one aspect of effective communication that, better than any other, takes the air out of negative feelings and, ultimately, leads to mutual understanding, and consensus. It also, by the way, might actually make some of those annoying news talk shows more bearable.