Wants and Needs

The kind of communicator I would like to be is one who is never misunderstood, always says precisely what he means, and never has to re-explain or restate anything. Every one of my utterances would be a bulls-eye in terms of not generating any confusion on the part of those on the receiving end of what I say or write. This, of course, would mean I would always have to have a solid grasp of what I am talking about. While I agree in my case that would a giant stretch, it does not change my desire to be that good at communicating. Unfortunately, wanting to be that way does not always mesh with reality.


Even if I were always understandable and clear speaking, there is no guarantee this would be compatible with how people may need to be communicated with in any given situation. People are in a constant state of flux in terms of contending with a range of internal and external forces. For instance, internally a person may be worried about their job, fighting a cold or trying to decide where they want to go to dinner that night. Externally, they may be dealing with a traffic jam, a fickle computer or nasty weather. These are among a multitude of circumstances and/or forces that shape our days, moods, perspectives and, more to the point, ability to send and receive messages.


If a person is grieving over the loss of loved one, how they need to be communicated with will be different than a parent who is celebrating the fact their son just pitched a no-hitter for their little league baseball team. Going into such scenarios, I or any one of us might have ways we want to communicate, but given the state of mind of that grieving person or happy parent, if we truly want to connect with them, then we are going to have adjust our "perfect" way of communicating to fit the state of mind of these individuals. Such a task represents the fundamental challenge of communicating effectively. Wanting to communicating a certain way is fine, but having the ability to adjust and best meet the needs of those around you is better.