Holiday Challenge

One of the more challenging aspects of any day involving gift giving comes with those on the receiving end. While there are not too many of us who do not love being given gifts or presents, with that comes the challenge of what to do when you receive something you do not like or want.  One option is to simply accept it and not say a word. That way you do not hurt the feelings of the person who gave you the present, nor do you risk any possible conflict with them. That, at best, is only a temporary solution. At some point, the giver is going to ask "How come you never wear that Hawaiian shirt I bought you for Chrismtas?" or "Why do you never want to play that game of Hungry Hippo I bought you for your birthday?" At that point, you will have to 'fess up.'

Another option, of course, is to speak up at the time you see the gift and make it know you do not like it. This is probably the best was to go. However, the communication challenge comes with expressing your displeasure or disappointment in a way that does not hurt the feelings of the giver and also acknowledges the effort to please you they made. This is not easy to do because the bottom line is you are rejecting a selfless act that was done on your behalf. I myself have failed at this at times and so, too, have those for whom I generally buy presents. Almost always, in my experiene, this makes for an awkward moment.

Communicating rejection under any circumstance is difficult, particuarly when it is done in recognition of a special occasion such as an anniversary or birthday. It involves a level of sensitivity that perhaps many of us do not normally exhibit. Being successful at that can be a gift all by itself. The giver is vulnerable as they have taken a risk: will my spouse like this sweater or piece of jewelry? The trick is to make known your displeasure in a loving way that does not discourage future acts of such loving generosity and reaffirms your own regard for them. This is one of those everyday communication challenges faced by all of us on a regular basis.