Not to be Taken Lightly

When it comes to personal relationships, the conventional wisdom is the closer two people become the easier how they communicate is. I concede there is much truth in this. With greater and more intimate interaction comes greater awareness, knowledge and familiarity. The result each person develops a greater sense of how the other thinks, talks, and listens and what they like, dislike, are more sensitive to, and what makes them angry, sad or happy. Given that, certainly in theory, such knowledge should result in fewer misunderstandings, arguments, hurt feelings, and insensitive behavior between people. Right? Wrong.


Sadly, the divorce rate among couples remains extremely high. Couples still argue, hurt each other's feelings, and look elsewhere for emotional and intellectual satisfaction. Why? How does this happen, particularly when the two well-intentioned people are committed to maintaining a strong and healthy union? My theory is intimacy between individuals can make communication between them more difficult. One reason for this as two become more familiar with each other, they tend to become lazy and figure since each knows the other so well, they do not have to try as hard to communicate effectively as they did before.


Such a reality does not necessarily mean the two still do not hold each other in high regard. Those feelings could very well be as strong as ever. But because of the deep knowledge each has of the other, one or both sometimes assume taking the time to thoroughly share their thoughts, insights, etc. is not necessary. Since one partner knows the other so well, so goes the reasoning, then they can converse in shorthand or, even worse, not say anything at all. After all, they think, my spouse knows me well and will know what I am talking about or feeling. This is a classic communication mistake. Successful communication requires constant attention and commitment. It is not to be taken lightly.