Universal Ingredients

There is a moment in a romantic comedy of several years ago called "Something's Gotta Give" when in the middle of an argument the leading lady calls the leading man a "shmuck." The man responds by saying, "Well, shmucks have feelings, too." Funny scene. Funny movie. But all that aside, a good point is made. Not only does everyone have feelings, they also have their own perspectives, preferences, a vision, priorities, and levels of comfort. These are among the many variables that make all of us the individuals we are. They are, in essence, our ingredients. They are universal with the primary difference being the degree or amount to which we have them at any given time.

In terms of interpersonal communication or interactions between folks, problems occur not because we all have these ingredients, but, rather, because we do not always communicate our own level of each or take the time to properly understand the level of each the other person has. In other words, because a person may feel very strongly about climate change, for example, they may not make as much of an effort as they should to understand the differing views another may have on that issue. Consequently, not only is there conflict or disagreement, the likely result is no attempt to reach consensus or identify any sort of common ground.

Effective communication can help avoid a stand-off. By making a sincere effort to better appreciate another perspective, one places themself in a better position to reframe their point-of-view in a way that another might find more acceptable, reasonable or less threatening. Thus, it becomes not so much a matter of giving-in, but more of an effort to identify and then build on ingredients shared by all parties. Recognizing that "shmucks" have feelings is a basic but important step toward communicating successfully and effectively with others. Good communicating is built on the premise of being open-minded.