"Me and Them"

Here's an old joke: There are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide people into two groups and those who do not. While I will concede that may not be the greatest knee-slapper ever, within that statement there is what I view as a profound observation, particularly as it applies to communication. In most every encounter or interaction between folks, people bring their own perspective. We all have our own points of view regardless of whether the topic is "safe" such as last night's ball game or something more touchy like religion or politics. As a result, with most every exchange there is the potential for conflict.

People see things differently and therefore are apt to disagree. Consequently, as each encounter brings with it a genuine chance of conflict, it is not surprising that much of the time we view life as a kind of "me and them" dynamic. "I have my perspective," we tend to think, "and therefore must be prepared to defend it at any given moment." Therefore, such an attitude, regardless of how logical or even justified it might be, does suggest the existence of underlying tension that hovers above, under and all around most any kind of conversation. Further, it is my contention that such tension, regardless of its level of intensity, shapes our approach to others as well as the tone of exchange between "me and them."

Differences, by definition, serve as the seed of conflict. Our challenge is found not just in how well we deal with that conflict, but in how well we actually recognize or acknowledge it. Given that, I can easily understand a person's choice to talk at the person with whom they are with so as to drive home their point of view or opinion. Such a choice, by one or both parties, makes effective communicating more difficult and perhaps less satisfying. To deal with this, one important key is to acknowledge the existence of possible conflict. Doing that, I believe, adds an important layer of openness in which all parties can more easily pursue connecting with others.