"We-Focused"

Who am I? What do I really want? What can I do to make people think more highly of me? What needs to happen for me to feel as good about myself as I want? Why don't others always seem to recognize my talents and gifts when often times they seem so clear to me? I repeat: Who am I? These are questions that definitely pop into my head occasionally. I bet others raise these same queries to themselves, too. How can any of us not? After all, among our most fundamental needs are basic desires to be liked, accepted and safe. To gain any or all of those goals requires that we confront ourselves with the kind of in-your-face interrogation that these and other questions represent.

All of this revolves around communication and the quality and consistency of how we do it. More specifically, one thing that answers to each of these questions has in common is that they are on-going. Getting others to think more highly of me, for instance, is not something that I can achieve and maintain on the strength of one comment or act. It requires an accumulation of deeds. To be the kind of person we wish to be and to gain the kind of recognition we wish to receive for it calls upon us to put forward a very steady and consistent level of communication about ourselves. There can be very little room for variance.

Does this mean we have to be perfect? Of course not. But it does mean we have to honest about our imperfections and responsible for the times we miss the bulls-eye. It also means we need to communicate our messages in ways that have the best chance of resonating with others. If I want to be viewed as a kind person, how can I best communicate that to others so that they, too, will see me in that way? Addressing such a question points to the reality that communicating is rarely all about us. It must be "we-focused" even if our ultimate goal may seem self-serving. Effective communicating places one in the realm of selflessness whether or not we realize that.