"You Gotta Want It"

Several years ago my one of my cousins and I drove to Vermont to do some hiking. We were looking to enjoy the White Mountains. We had a specific starting point in mind that turned out to be very much off the beaten-track. Looking back, it felt as if we spent more time looking for that place to park our car then we did on the actual hike. Driving around, I remember a comment my cousin made about the difficulty of beginning our planned excursion: "Boy, you really gotta want it." He was right. We did want it though I admit we were both fairly frustrated at the unexpected difficulty of reaching our destination.

In many ways, I think his comment can be applied to communicating effectively. You really do "gotta want it" if you are going to come even close to doing it consistently well over a sustained period of time. As was the case of our trying to find the lot for our car, interacting with another in a way that fosters free-flowing conversation and mutual understanding can be more challenging than one might expect. For instance, there is the matter of introducing information in a manner that is of interest to the other party. On the flip side, that other party needs to put aside distractions such as their cellphone or outside noises and listen actively.

Granted, this dynamic is routine as it is what occurs in every-day, casual conversations in which all of us take part. But that is only kind of interaction. Another category revolves around encounters that are more serious than simply commenting on the weather or the fortunes of the local sports team. Married couples have serious matters to discuss such as their finances or dealing with their children. People on the job have issues to cover that can and often do affect profits, customer relations, and their own security. To ensure these interactions are effective, all participants really do have to commit themselves to its success. Effective communicating requires nothing less.