Being Liked

One of my theories about human nature is that all of us - regardless of our station in life - want to be liked. We may also want to be loved, respected, feared or even left alone, but there remains within us a deep-seated desire to be liked by others. Even if we may not always be happy to see others, we want others to be happy to see us. Even if we are bad-tempered, rude, uncaring or seemingly oblivious to others, within us - I believe - is what I term a like-seed. I concede this theory of mine may seem child-like in the sense it suggests all of us never outgrow that inner-child-need to be accepted and, therefore, liked. Nevertheless, I am good with it.

Assuming for the moment that what I have put forth is true, then the issue revolves around our behavior and how we go about trying to have that need met. If we want to be accepted by others and, ultimately, liked, then the key to achieving that goal is in how we communicate with others. Focusing on that one need, such a question is straight-forward. To be liked calls for one to be likeable. This means we are polite, engaging, pleasant, and outgoing. Easy-peezy. But what about other needs we may have that are also important to us; ones like wanting to be respected, in-charge, left alone, or feared? What communication challenges do we face in trying to balance what would seem to be competing needs?

How can we get people to like us while at the same time fear us? What kind of communication juggling does that require? In this case, my contention is the two cannot be reconciled. The way we deal with this is that we pick-and-choose who we want to like us and who we want to fear us. For instance, a person may have a son or daughter who they want to be loved by. So, with that child, they behave in a certain way. But once they go out in public, they behave or communicate differently because they want others to fear them. All this showcases how all of us, in my view, are constantly juggling different and even competing communication styles. Rarely, do any of us ever communicate in one constant way.