Ghosts & Goblins

Our nation's next presidential election is now just days away. As is normally the case, there is much tension in the air and will be until the results are known. And even after a victor has been declared officially, dissatisfaction throughout much of the country will remain. The losing political party and its many members will be upset that their candidate lost. Many, no doubt, will continue to make known their ill-feelings about the "other side" as well as their unwillingness to make any thing resembling an overture toward reconciliation. In many ways, the presidential election will not resolve the differences within our country. This reality is what makes Halloween 2020 all the scarier. The ghosts and goblins, it seems, are not children dressed in an array of creative costumes. Rather, they appear to be the grown-ups. It is easy to identify which ones they are. On the one hand, they are the folks who lovingly chuckle at how cute their kids and the ones in the neighborhood are. But on the other, they also spew forth ugly remarks and attitudes toward those who have political views that are counter to theirs. These are the worst kind of ghosts and goblins because their nastiness seems mindless, unrelenting and driven by a very narrow way of thinking. So, what is to be done with what is one of the worst Halloween's in our nation's history? Given the state of mind among so many people, including many of our so-called leaders, the upcoming election will not produce winners and losers. Rather, it will produce losers unless the ghosts and goblins driving it decide to cease with their intolerant mind-set. Such an act requires courage. It calls for a recognition that as valid as our perspectives might be, it is time to begin working at melding them with ones that are different than ours. Also, this time in our history calls for all of us to exhibit a willingness to communicate.

Addressing a Divided House

As of this entry, there is now one week to go before the 2020 Presidential election. By now, it is safe to say that most everyone knows there is much riding on the results. People on both sides of the political aisle are convinced that the country will be on the road to disaster if their side loses. The kicker is that each is probably right - given their perspective on life in the U.S. these past four years. That means there are going to be an awful lot of unhappy folks no matter the results. With that in mind, it seems as if the first order of business for either Trump or Biden will be to begin taking steps to bring the country together. How does one do that? How does one take opposing sides that are convinced with every core of their being that not only are they right in how they see the world but the other side goes beyond wrong. Those on the opposite side are practically evil and because they feel the way they do they are also idiots. On top of that, a large segment of the population will view Trump with much distrust and scorn if he wins and the same will be true with Biden should he win the day. Talk about your tall order. If the winner of the election ignores this divide, then they will be making a major mistake as it will only get worse. The first thing the winner will need to do is acknowledge the divide. Even though such a declaration may seem like stating the obvious, coming from the President of the United States it will still have impact. The second step should be to launch a nationwide listening tour as conducted by the President, his top aides, and even leaders from the opposite political party. Voters will be upset and cry out to express their emotions. Trump and/or Biden will need to give them that opportunity in the form of town hall meetings throughout the entire country. Results of that effort should then be compiled with appropriate recommendations for elected leaders and citizens to follow. Throughout all this, the President should continue to recommit himself to establishing unity in our nation. It is time for all of us to begin taking tangible steps to address our house divided.

Mud-Slinging

Mud-slinging is an expression that has been with us for many years. It pertains to a high level of accusations and insulting that occurs between political candidates who are running against each other for office. I do not know the origins of the expression or who introduced it. Whoever it is should be recognized everytime we have a political campaign. After all, it is not every day one coins an expression that requires no explanation even among those who do not follow politics. Off-hand, the only other phrase that I can think of that ranks just as high on the familiarity scale and that requires no explanation is "love at first sight." As I write this, after today there are ten days remaining in the 2020 presidential campaign. The two candiates - President Donald Trump and former vice president Joe Biden - are following the tradition of mud-slinging. The negativity between them and their followers is intense and will no doubt continue long after the campaign itself is over. Both candidates are to be congratulated for the energy they are bringing to this form of campaigning. (Yes, there are such things as positive campaign. Not a campaign comes along where the candidates do not pledge to run positive campaigns. It is the rare candidate who keep this promise.) Personally, I would prefer if Trump and Biden made a better effort to be positive, but maybe they just bring out the worst in each other. What is the best way for the rest of us to handle this form of political communicating? Enjoy it? Ignore it? Hold office seekers to higher standards? Such questions are not as easy to answer as they might seem. After all, it is important for all citizens to vote even if we may not be totally pleased with our choices. Consequently, we the witnesses to the mud-slinging are left with the option of rising above the unpleasant behavior of our choices. We hope the person to whom we ultimately give our support is better than they sometimes appear to be.

Self-Reflection

A few entries ago I shared that I was attempting to write my autobiography. As of this entry, I am nearly 30,000 words into this project. I am not sure if that is good or bad or if what I have put down on paper thus far has any real merit. But what I am sure of is that taking a look at my history, actions I took, and decisions I made is turning out to be a bigger challenge than I anticipated. Why is that? At the outset, I figured writing about myself would be fairly easy. The only real challenge would be the time commitment. Once I was on board with this, then I should be able to knock out this book in no time. Right? Wrong. Just because I may be an expert on me does not make my self-reflecting any easier. The fact I do know so much about me is what is making this effort all the more challenging. For the first time in a long while I am attempting to critique me. I am attempting to delve into the reasons why I traveled the path I have these many years. What influenced my choices? What led me to select one turn over another? As part of this effort, I am also trying to more thorougly understand my many communication choices. This is especially tricky because it is forcing me to critique myself as a communicator. I am recognizing that there have been times when my communication skills were less than lauditory. It is not easy to acknowledge this. Generally, I like thinking positive thoughts about me. What I do not enjoy is recognizing that I have not always communicated with others in ways that were as straight forward or completely honest as they should have been. That does not make me feel good about me. Perhaps others have these same uncomfortable moments. For me, I am trying to be honest with myself when it comes to those times when I could have behaved more honorably. I urge all others to do the same. Doing so is one way we call improve as communicators. We owe it to ourselves as much as we do thoe folks in our lives.

Aftermath

Each of us communicates every day. And you know what? We are pretty good at it. If I want an extra piece of toast, I know how to make that known. If any of us are ready to go to bed early, then we are fully capable of making that known as well. The point is: day-in-, day-out, we all communicate our wishes with success with great consistency. As a result, on that level, communication is as straight- forward and easy as most anything we can name. The challenge that comes with it is two-fold: how we communicate what we seek to communicate and the aftermath of whatever "style" we might utilize to communicate our initial message. Let's look at those two points. To begin, it is important to remember that the two are linked. One impacts the other. The "how" of any communication effort is very important. For example, if I communicate that I want that extra toast with a scream or by throwing my plate against the wall while making my request, then without question that is sending multiple signals that go far beyond a simple piece of toast. People around me will no doubt recoil from my outburst. If the person wishing to go to bed early does so by kickng over the coffee table and stormiung out of the room, then what they are communicating to others goes far beyond their wanting to hit the hay. This leads us to the aftermath. How we communicate directly affects how others perceive us and how they feel about us. This influence whether folks want to maintain some type of connectionw with us. Who would want to have breakfast with me if I throw my plate over a piece of extra toast? No one. This points to the notion that when we choose to communicate a message in a particular way, then part of our thinking should include the aftermath. What result do we want beyond the immediate message? How important is that to us? Our answer to those basic questions, ideally, should drive the "how" of our communicating. This is what helps make the act of communication so complex.

Our Story

One of my all-time literary heroes was and is Studs Terkel. As an interviewer and author his lasting contribution was a reminder that we all have stories to tell. Within each of us, we carry around biographies that are worth telling. Terkel's most famous book was "Working" in which a host of what I will call "regular people" talked about their jobs and their feelings about the challenges that came with them. (Fun fact: This book was even turned into a Broadway musical.) As Terkel's style of interviewing was conversational rather than, say, confrontational, he was able to elicit thoughtful comments from his many subjects. Drawing from Terkel's work, I believe we can all draw lessons from ourselves to better present ourselves to others. Whether it is in a formal job interview or a casual conversation with a neighbor, our encounters provide us with opportunities to communicate and/or connect. Accepting the premise of Terkel's work, one way all of us might become better connectors or comunicators is by incorporating our own stories into our interactions with others. For instance, it is one thing to tell a prospective employer that you want a job. But such a wish can be significantly strengthened if we can package that wish with a story about ourselves that explains the background of the goal. Presently I am working on my autobiography. I have no idea if anyone other than me and my family will be interested in it once it is completed. I am about one-third of the way through it and, frankly, am not thinking the jury on that is still out. Nevetheless, I am enjoying the process. The challenge of this book revolves around telling my story in a way that is coherent and interesting to others. Given that I am not famous, the challenge is all the greater. Also, the projected book represents a unique comunication exercise in figurng out ways to make stories through me more interesting. Normally, my style is to leave me out of whatever is it is I am talking about. Perhaps I need to change that. This is something that we all might consider about ourselves.

Wiggle Room

So, how much wiggle room is one allowed when it comes to communication? Can you be too loud or too soft in your speech? Can you be too blunt with your message or a bit vague? The answer to all these questions is "yes." That is the great thing about communication. It is also the most frustrating aspect of it. Communicating effectively is as precise as it is imprecise. This is because not every act of communicating works for everyone. To give one example: Sometimes while watching television I need to turn up the volume. And then there are times when I need to turn it down. And this could occur during the same program! And then there is the message itself. Depending upon the topic and what I am doing at that particular moment, at times I need things thoroughly explained to me. Directions, for example. Other times, just give me the name of the ultimate destination and I can take it from there. All this points to the same reality for all of us: we need to be as flexible and nimble as we possibly can when trying to enjoy a sustained connection with another. Here is another piece of reality: that is never going to change. There will never be a one-size-fits-all strategy when it comes to communicating successfully with an audience. And if that is not enough, here is probably the biggest, most undeniable aspect of communication of them all: none of us can throw up our hands and walk away from it. None of us can say, "That's it. I'm outta here." If we are going to co-exist with others, then we have to contend with all the foibles and inconsistencies that define communication. Need I remind any one that being social creatures, we all need to co-exist. We all need to have that skill on some level. If not, then we cease to be. This means all of us need to embrace what I call the wiggleness of communication. Whether we like it or not, when it comes to communicating, wiggle room is part of the mix.

More on Reality

All of us know about reality: death, gravity to cite a few quick examples. Reality is that thing that exists no matter how strenuously one denies it or changes their behavior to avoid it. It is there. Ever-present. And it is not going away. Ever. Most everyone, I believe, would agree that to deny reality is as fruitless and foolish as it is nuts. While to do so may not necessarily be risky, but at the very least, it is silly. But it can be both. For instance, my wife has a birthday coming up in a few weeks. If I choose to deny this reality when the actual day arrives, then the consequences of that will be undeniable - for me and her. Reality is no one's friend. At the same time, it is no one's enemy except when it's existence is denied. Yes, I have blogged about reality before. But it is a topic that needs to be highlighted as often as possible these days given the fact we seem to have a government that denies reality on a regular basis. Climate change? Doesn't exist. Never mind the terrible fires and hurricanes that we are experiencing. Wearing a mask to safeguard against COVID-19? Not important. Scientists, of course, have been shouting from the roof tops about these realities. Yet leaders who should know better have been using their bullhorns to spout the opposite. The consequences of denying the hard-truth of those realties represent reality in its most blunt form. Effective communication at its best is when it is wrapped in truth. Truth comes from fact. The best of our communicators base all that they say and do on both. They do not wrap their outreach on opinion or spin at the expense of truth and fact. That seems obvious enough. Yet spin continues to dominate so much of our airwaves. No wonder the heads of so many of us seem to be spinning all the time. Being witnesses to ongoing wrong-headedness is exhausting. No wonder people are either protesting or turning away.

Information

Call me old fashion or old school or just old, but I like information. I like that entity that gives you facts. I like it best when it does not come wrapped in fancy ribbons or off-the-wall hyperbole. The benefit of information speaks for itself. It needs no showcasing of any kind - at least for me. Just share it in its straight-forward glory and I am good-to-go. I like it best when it is not weighed -down with opinion or heavy emotion. The power of information is that it needs none of that. Its power speaks for itself. Big time and with a level of consistency that is unmatched. But don't take my word for it. I bet there is no one who does like or need information, too. In fact, our embrace of it is so strong that we get upset when information is withheld or it is not presented in its entirety. Incomplete information is unfair to information and, more importantly, to any of us on its receiving end. Another great thing about information is that it lets us decide what to do about it or with it. If we take certain action as a result of it, then that is on us. Or if we decide to do nothing based on it, then that is okay, too. Information does not push itself on any one. Rather, it says "Here I am. Do with me what you want." It does not judge. It does not second-guess. It does not crticise or, for that matter, praise. Any issue I may have with information is not directed at information itself but the agents of it. I applaud those who communicate it accurately and in a timely manner. For those who do information wrong by presenting it inaccuately or not in full, then I say, "Shame on you." You are the true villains of informastion-sharing. You are the "bad guys" of communication. Sadly, in our world today, there are more than enough "bad guys" thank you very much. I am not just talking about public figures. They are among us. They are "regular folks." At times, they may even be us. We must all continue to concentrate on being one of the "good guys" when it comes to information. It is a daily battle.