Self-Reflection

A few entries ago I shared that I was attempting to write my autobiography. As of this entry, I am nearly 30,000 words into this project. I am not sure if that is good or bad or if what I have put down on paper thus far has any real merit. But what I am sure of is that taking a look at my history, actions I took, and decisions I made is turning out to be a bigger challenge than I anticipated. Why is that? At the outset, I figured writing about myself would be fairly easy. The only real challenge would be the time commitment. Once I was on board with this, then I should be able to knock out this book in no time. Right? Wrong. Just because I may be an expert on me does not make my self-reflecting any easier. The fact I do know so much about me is what is making this effort all the more challenging. For the first time in a long while I am attempting to critique me. I am attempting to delve into the reasons why I traveled the path I have these many years. What influenced my choices? What led me to select one turn over another? As part of this effort, I am also trying to more thorougly understand my many communication choices. This is especially tricky because it is forcing me to critique myself as a communicator. I am recognizing that there have been times when my communication skills were less than lauditory. It is not easy to acknowledge this. Generally, I like thinking positive thoughts about me. What I do not enjoy is recognizing that I have not always communicated with others in ways that were as straight forward or completely honest as they should have been. That does not make me feel good about me. Perhaps others have these same uncomfortable moments. For me, I am trying to be honest with myself when it comes to those times when I could have behaved more honorably. I urge all others to do the same. Doing so is one way we call improve as communicators. We owe it to ourselves as much as we do thoe folks in our lives.