Communication and Survival

If there is one thing we all have in common it is our own self interest. Something happens or something is said and the first thing that pops into our head is a toss-up between either, "How do I feel about that?" or "How does that affect me?" This is survival instinct at its most basic. Does that make us innately bad or selfish? I do not believe so. But nevertheless, it does point to where we begin when confronted with new information or a new situation. The trick that helps define our character, in my view, is two-fold: what are the thoughts the follow those first ones and what actions do we take as a result of those thoughts?

Open and honest communication is a solid step toward demonstrating good character. Any number of scenarios illustrate this point. We spill milk on an expensive rug. Our initial thoughts include, "I messed up. This is embarrassing. If any one finds out, then I am either going to get punished or be reprimanded in some way for it." The thoughts and actions that follow give a glimpse of our integrity. Here is one more scenario: We are a CEO and because of the economic downturn recognize we may have to lay off a number of employees in order to keep our business going. Our first thoughts in all likelihood will include, "This is bad news. People are going to be upset with me for considering this option. I want everyone feeling positive toward me. Do they really need to know this right now?" Again, the choices one makes following these ruminations showcases one's character big time.

At times, there is no question that communicating in an open way, even if it means our "survival" may be threatened, is a stretch for any of us. No one likes to be under fire. No one likes to be the brunt of negative actions and thoughts. Understandably, we much prefer the opposite. But there are times when getting to that higher place for our own sake requires an openness that may not always be comfortable. One of the great pieces of acting advice the late James Cagney used to give was that when playing a scene, "Actors should plant their feet firmly on the ground and tell the truth." That's not a bad way to go when it comes to communication either.