Bang Head Here

Working on a university campus, it is not unusual to see an assortment of words, messages, drawings, etc. written on walls both inside and outside buildings. One I saw the other day made me laugh.  It read "Band Head Here." The words were wrapped around a circle with arrows pointing to a particular spot. Fortunately, I saw no one literally banging their head against that brick wall. But it did serve as a reminder of how all of us, from time to time, need a safe place or haven where we can unleash our inner frustrations, anger or dark thoughts.

The trick is to do it in a zone of some sort that is removed from doing harm to oneself or to others. Counselors, of course, make their living by providing this kind of outlet. The good ones do it by implementing one of the best elements of communication. First and foremost, they listen actively. Doing this helps the patient feel safe, accepted, validated, and respected. The result is they are more open with their thoughts and feelings. This also paves the way for a strong connection to be made between the two who are communicating even if, in the case of a counseling session, only one of the participants is doing most of the talking.       

People want to  be heard. People want to express their feelings even if it is in a way that is inarticulate. While banging one's head against a brick wall ranks pretty low on the scale of articulate communication, it sure makes a strong point. Active listening helps such a frustrated person make their point in a far less destructive way. I have always been of a mind that active listening can also help transform a person who has trouble with words into a genuine orator - even if it is only for the length of a conversation or counseling session. We all need a spot to bang our heads. But finding an active listener sure beats a brick wall.