Dunbar's Number

Do you ever think about the number of friends you have and wonder how many you could have and maintain responsibly well? Would it ever be possible to have too many friends or just enough friends? For myself, I am blessed to have a number of good friends, yet have never felt I do not need any more. Good friends are treasures. I raise those earlier questions because over 20 years ago a behavioral scientist named Robin Dunbar actually calculated the number of people the average person can maintain a stable relationship with before no longer being able to remember how they are connected or even how they might relate to each other. Depending upon the person, according to Dunbar, that number ranges between 100 - 230.

Believe it or not, there are other scientists who have actually reviewed Dunbar's calculations and assessed whether Dunbar's estimate is too low or too high.  (Generally, they found Dunbar's number to be a bit on the low side.) Either way, having anywhere between 100 and 220 friends seems like a lot. In fact, I would say anyone with that many friends should consider themselves to be quite blessed. Assuming for a moment one has over 100 friends, then the communication challenges that come with maintaining close and regular ties with them is nothing to take lightly. Keeping those relationships viable would practically be a full-time commitment on most any one's part. Never mind the folks you know but are not close to.

Most of us, I assume, consider our friends to be a blessing (at least most of the time) and, therefore, do not view keeping up with them to be a chore or bother. But when one puts aside the heartfelt joy we receive from them and looks as it in terms of hard numbers at Dunbar did, suddenly being any one's friends really does seem a bit overwhelming. I am not sure what my point here is in terms of Dunbar's calculations and our own lives as they apply to those close to us other than perhaps it speaks to the communication challenges we face in all aspects of our lives. Whether it is with people we actually care about or ones who are faceless members of a targeted public, effective communication is a constant challenge.