Expressing Disappointment

Is there ever an easy or even comfortable way to tell someone you are not happy with something they have done without hurting their feelings? To make such a task even more difficult, the circumstance is usually such that what they have done has caused you some degree of hardship or inconvenience. Consequently, you are upset. It is challenging for any of us to maintain complete composure when what we are feeling ranges anywhere from annoyance to exasperation to anger. Given that, we have to sit down with the person who messed up, thus causing us problems, and confront them about it - not knowing what their reaction might be. How responsive will they be to what we say? Will they respond with anger, a string of excuses, tears, silence, or even agreement?      


Often, how the person who made the mistake responds depends on how we are when we tell them. If we are respectful, calm, non-threatening and focus on the misdeed rather than the person him or herself, then the chances are they will respond in-kind, On the other hand, if our voice is raised and we do not hold back in terms of our critical comments, then it is possible their response will be equally animated, thus raising the exchange to an unpleasant confrontation that does little to address the problem and a lot to help create a wedge between you and the other person. When that happens, no one wins. In fact, everyone is worse off than they were before the conversation occurred.


It is times such as this when one's communication skills are put to the test. Any time we feel particularly emotional about something, it is extremely tempting to let those with whom we are talking know about what we are feeling, particularly if we are upset and they are the cause of those negative emotions. One way to cope with such a scenario is to (1) focus on the message, (2) determine how best to communicate it effectively, and (3) not lose sight of the importance of your relationship with that other person. One can disagree with another and even part ways with that person, yet still do so in a way that is respectful and honorable. Is that always easy to do? Of course not. At the same time, no one ever said communicating well is either.