The Danger of Proximity

Mark Twain once observed how sometimes people can be so close to someone or something that their perspective can become blurry. Proximity, he suggested, does not necessarily equate with accurate understanding. Because we see a person everyday and are with them much of the time does not mean we have a full appreciation of their skills, talents and/or abilities. Conventional wisdom suggests otherwise, of course. Yet I believe there is wisdom in Twain's comment. It is similar to that old adage about "familiarity breeding contempt." We see a person up-close and automatically assume we have them clearly pegged. How unfortunate for us and them.

The same dynamic can happen with communication. Being close to another creates a dangerous illusion that we know what they are thinking or what their perspective might be on something. Maybe. But maybe not. For communication to be effective, the parties involved must be engaged and focused. Talking with a stranger, for instance, calls upon us to focus since we have no base of knowledge or understanding of that person. It is no different - or should not be - with someone we do know well. Knowing them well gives is insight but not necessarily a bullseye sense of what they are thinking or going to say.

Proximity, thus, gives one a false sense that full effort is no longer necessary. People are people and, as a result, are full of inconsistencies and contradictions. Being close to another, if anything, makes it even more imperative that we give them our fullest attention and engage with them with as much of an open mind as possible. That is what is required if we want to continue knowing them well. The moment we allow proximity to give us some sort of letter of permission to stop trying as hard to communicate whether others regardless of how close we are to them, the less service we are doing to them and us. Be wary of proximity. It is not necessarily a friend of effective communication.