Achieving Control

One would be hard-pressed to identify a feeling that feels better than being in control. Think about it. So much spins around us each day over which we have no control: the way people behave, rules that we have to follow, even how people perceive us. Imagine being about able to control all that, not necessarily for any negative reasons, but in a way that fosters good will, harmony and order. For instance, how great would it be if  as a supervisor we were able to control how people liked working for us? Or suppose, as a parent, you were able to control how your children felt about doing their homework; instead of resisting it, your kids would actually look forward to it?

Generally, I believe people approach each day with the best of intentions. They genuinely want others to be ok and carry out their days in ways that do no harm to their fellow man. To have an opportunity to actually ensure that such a scenario happens would be hard for any of us to resist. Such a goal is what each of us strives to meet when it comes to how we communicate. We want others to think well of us, so we choose to be polite and positive, for example. There is, of course, nothing wrong with that. But what causes such a good-faith effort to go off-track is when our individual communication strategies fall short of our expectations.

"I gave my boss a big smile and he still ignored me." or "I patiently explained to my daughter that doing her homework now would help her for what the family has planned later today, but she kept texting her friends any way." We try to control or at the very least influence via these communication efforts, yet fail to achieve what we view as reasonable goals. This points to a hard truth: not all communication works. As great as benevolence might be, there remains no guarantee the end result will be what we want. No wonder those rare times when we can and do control outcomes feel so good. The trick, then, is not to forego kindness or good intentions. Rather, for all of us, it should be seeking ways to communicate effectively.