Struggle of the Heart

As usual, Frederick Douglas said it best: "The human heart is a seat of constant war." When he said this in June, 1861, the United States was dealing with the biggest crisis in its history: southern states were breaking away to try and form their own nation. Citizens in all regions of the country were struggling over the issue of slavery. Douglas, of course, was a leading force in efforts to advocate the concept that all men and women were created equal and, in the eyes of the law, should be treated so. This straightforward and powerful statement was made in the context of a very much divided nation and the core issue that was triggering great debate among its people.

This statement also applies to the struggle that all of us face virtually every day and encapsulates the essence of the Mutual Adjustment Theory that I put forward several years ago. In my case, I was speaking of communication. The mutual adjusting applies to the struggle within us as we interact with others. Specifically, each of us has things and/or ideas that we wish to communicate. At the same time, we have the challenge of striving to hear-out and understand what others are attempting to say to us. Thus, in our effort to communicate well, we have to determine effective ways to do both: send and receive.

Communication at its best is an all-encompassing proposition: imparting what we want to impart in a way that is understandable while properly processing what others are imparting to us. The best communicators do both. The best communicators recognize the importance of being able to do both. The best communicators embrace the notion that sending and receiving messages or signals requires constant compromise and give-and-take within our heads and hearts. The best communicators recognize that this is rarely easy to do and, in fact, can be quite frustrating. The best communicators recognize that such a struggle is ongoing regardless of the nature of the audience. "Constant war" indeed.