The Same Rules

There are two criteria that must be met if effective communication is to occur: both parties must be playing by the same rules and be acting in good faith. If not, then it is just not going to happen. You end up having two people or groups talking at each other and, when they are finished, nothing has been advanced. A simple example of this would be two people who cannot speak the same language. Unless the two shift to a form of communication they both understand, such as physical gestures, then any connection between the two will not occur. Fortunately, if the two people are acting in good faith and genuinely wish to communicate, then they will make that necessary shift.

Another, more timely example of two communicators not playing by the same rules is seen in the health care debate going on right now between republicans and democrats in Congress. It is apparent to me that members of our country's two major political parties are not playing by the same rules and are not acting in good faith. What makes this debate so frustrating is that they all definitely speak the same language, both say they recognize the nation's health care system needs to be revamped, and both even agree more people need to have easier access to health care. Despite that, progress and ultimate consensus on this important seems stuck. Why? Because many of these elected officials who claim to want more health care for Americans really do not. They are happy with things as they are for philosophic reasons or because they do not wish to anger those that support them with money and votes. Still, that does not stop them from going through the charade of participating in discussions over ways to expand and improve the nation's health care system.

So, what is one to do when one of the communicators is not shooting straight? Whether it is the specific case of the republicans and democrats or discussions involving two individuals, there are two primary options: try getting at the root of the disagreement by creating a safe environment in which the non-straight shooter can feel comfortable enough to share their real agenda; or simply walk away and proceed in a manner you think best. Generally, people should not be forced to cooperate. But nor should they mislead. At the same time, trying to honestly communicate with someone who does not want to reciprocate is totally misguided. Communication at its best is a two-way street. When it's not, it digresses into a frustrating, shallow dance. Life is too short for that to be allowed any longer than necessary.