Communication Darwinians

After all these years I am beginning to feel as if I have been barking up the wrong tree. Let me explain. It has been my sense that when it comes to communication, people ideally strive to establish a two-way dynamic in which there is, generally, an equal amount of speaking and listening that occurs; a dialog in which people or entities talk with each other rather than at. Their bottom line is to establish a mutual understanding of each other by focusing on creating a dynamic in which all parties are heard. Their exchange, in essence, is a relationship characterized by the equal exchanging between the roles sender and receiver.

I continue to believe people are certainly open to establishing mutual understanding and harmony in their connections to or relationships with others. However, I am coming to the conclusion that people, as they enter into a relationship, are driven more by the desire to be heard, understood and accepted for their own benefit than they are in the idyllic scenario of establishing a two-way dynamic. Does this make us fundamentally self-serving? Yes. Does this suggest we driven by a fundamental desire to do what is best for ourselves? Yes, again. Does this, then, make us bad? I do not think so. Rather, it makes us who and what we are.

For much of the 20th century numerous communication theories and models have been devised by scholars in their effort to explain and analyze how we communicate and what makes for effective communication. These have ranged from the magic bullet and diffusion theories to the agenda-setting hypothesis and the asymmetrical and symmetrical models. There have been, of course, many others, too. Collectively, these theories point to steps we take to achieve our goals, meet our agendas and have our voice/message heard. Establishing a two-way connection with others is simply a means to an end. I am still getting my head around this new perspective, so I will be writing on this in future entries. For the moment, it points to the reality that our communication efforts and objectives are far more Darwinian that I first suspected.