It's All Personal

You know why communication can be so difficult at times? Because it is so personal. Every time we reach out to another - even a close friend or family member - we put ourselves on the line. What specifically, you might ask, is at risk? The answer is captured in one word: rejection. None of us even like the idea of being turned away, discounted or made to feel as if we are unacceptable. Yet it is these basic feelings that rise to the surface of our emotions each time we engage in some form of interaction. The encounter could be something as simple as smiling at another person or more complex as giving a  presentation before a room full of our peers. In either circumstance, those fundamental feelings are very much at the forefront of our psyche.

Give such a reality, one might think that the risk is worse when we are younger and chock full of insecurities. Not necessarily. As one who professionally and personally has experienced thousands of sunrises and sunsets, I can attest to the fact the nervousness of contending with others in all kind of settings remains very much alive and well. Does this mean I am as insecure today as I was, say, 40 or even 50 years ago? No. But it does suggest my desire to make a positive impression with others remains intact, my wish the effort I make to communicate effectively with individuals and groups go well is as strong as ever, and my awareness that for that to happen requires others having some degree of positive feelings toward me. This is what makes communication so personal.

As a teacher of communication at the university level, every day I see students struggle with the act of trying to connect with others. Whether it is getting up and giving a presentation or responding a question I ask of them, I can see the insecurity in their faces, hear it in their voices, and even feel it in their hesitancy and nervous laughter. The reality of the possible rejection they feel at those moments is a lifetime burden. To all fellow-communicators, let me splash you with this truism: that fundamental insecurity will always be with you. But the good news is two-fold: it is a feeling everyone shares and, generally, as we gain maturity and perspective, we develop coping skills that enable us to carry on all the same.