Families

I am the first to agree that families are great. They often accept us despite ourselves and provide us with a kind of safety zone to which we can turn when we need to, at least temporarily, detach ourselves from the stresses of life. On the other hand, families can and do drive us crazy and can and do add stress to our lives. Because families represent our point of origin, they occupy a place in both our hearts and our psyche that no one can match. Interestingly, we spend part of our lives running away from our families and part of our lives running toward them. Given all that, there is no question that as an entity for all of us families are unique.

One big reason families are unique is that when it comes to communication, different rules apply to them. This is especially true when it comes to disagreements. In the world outside of family, often when disagreements occur we find ourselves in a position to determine right and wrong. For instance, there is discussion at the office over which strategy to follow. The boss asks staff members to provide evidence as to why one proposed path is right and the other is either wrong or less-than-best. In another scenario, two teams compete for the championship. Which one is best? They compete and soon an answer is provided.

When it comes to families, however, the matter of right or wrong or best and not-best does not so readily apply. When it comes to our kin, "feelings" take centerstage. When husbands and wives butt heads, determining who is right often ends up creating tension that goes beyond whatever is being debated. Families remain tight based on their feelings; the emotions each member feels in their heart. Outside that bubble, our connections are often driven by intellect. Consequently, we assess issues and actions largely with our heads rather than our hearts. That is reversed when it comes to families. Thus, when it comes to communicating, a much more sensitive approach is required.