The Murkiness of Communication

Something I have been wrestling with lately is lying. On the face of it, lying is one of those acts where there appears to be no middle ground. Yet, more and more, I am coming to the realization that so-called lying is a very fuzzy and murky topic. For instance, if a man tells his wife he is going to the office, but instead spends the afternoon at the racetrack, then that's a lie. We all wag our fingers at this individual and condemn him for his deception. But suppose that same man tell his wife that he's going to the office but instead meets with various people to plan an elaborate surprise birthday party for his wife. That's a lie, too. Right? Yet not too many people would be quick to condemn the man for doing this. In fact, many might even give him a "thumbs up." Does this, then, make the lie in one of these scenarios "good" and the other "bad?"And what about the advertisement that suggests our social life will be improved considerably if we begin using a certain brand of toothpaste? This is a lie, isn't it? Is it good? Bad? Acceptable? Unacceptable?

Throughout each of our days and lives, all of us are on the receiving end of thousands and thousands of pieces of information. My theory is that we as we gain greater experience we become better at filtering or processing the information we receive and ultimately making judgments on falsehoods that are acceptable and ones that are not. When information began coming out that the Bush administration's declaration that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction was false, for many this was a deal-breaker in terms of giving them any future support. For others, however, it was not.

Effective communication, in many ways, is another murky topic. For some, a particular communication effort may be effective while for another it may not. But one key that helps determine the effectiveness or success of any communication effort is its intent or purpose. Does it attempt to contribute to a just purpose or is it strictly being carried out with an intent to deceive and misinform? While it is true that sometimes dishonest communication efforts are successful, this unfortunate piece of reality should not dissuade any of us from agreeing that successful communication must be driven by positive intent. This does not necessarily remove the whole question of lies, but it does help separate the good ones from the bad.